#TPAD

So, I love going to Buffalo Wild Wings on Thursdays, because their boneless wings are only 60 cents each, and it's amazing.  My favorite wing sauce (right when I typed that, I decided that if you have a really good wing man, you should call them your wing sauce) is Spicy Parmesan.  But I have a problem.  Every time I've gone to BWW, I have bought several wings of three different flavors:  Spicy Parmesan, Thai Curry, and Mango Habanero.  It's just kind of become tradition.  The Mango Habanero tastes SOO GOOD.  But only for like 20 seconds.  From there on out, it just sets your mouth in a blaze of fire that is overwhelming and paralyzing.  I just went again with a friend, and he just sat there uncomfortably as he watched me sniff and cough and cry and hyperventilate...I started choking at one point, and even went almost catatonic for a bit.  Yet, for some reason, I still get the Mango Habanero every time.  IT'S NOT WORTH IT.  I always go home sick and sad and scared.  Our bodies are not meant to go through such trauma.  I tell you this story because the first step is to publicly admit that you have a problem.  So there you go.  I have a problem.  If we ever go to Buffalo Wild Wings together, do not let me get the Mango Habanero, under any circumstances.

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A couple days ago, I woke up, got ready for school, went to work, hopped onto facebook, and I had about 50 notifications...at 9 in the morning.  Much to my surprise, a good number of my friends had either posted on my wall, or just tagged me in their status, telling me how great they believe I am.  Most of them ended with "#pogofoxrocks" and all of them had "#TPAD".  I wasn't really sure what was going on...so I moved on to work on other things I had to do that day.  Half an hour later, I had 40 more notifications.  I don't know who started it, or why in the world it happened, but somehow without my knowledge a random day became "Todd Partridge Appreciation Day."  (By the way, it took me until like 2 o'clock to figure out what TPAD meant.)

And it never slowed down.  Friends from the choir I am in, my cousins, my family, missionaries from my mission, high school acquaintances, friends I haven't seen in 4 or 5 years....they ALL were sending me messages and posting on my wall and sharing pictures of me and naming all the ways that I had been a blessing in their lives.  It was completely overwhelming.  Anyone I saw that day gave me a great big hug and started complimenting me, until I ran off because I "had something to do..."

Went I went to rehearsal that day, there were about 35 handwritten notes and a giant Snickers bar there for me.  No place was safe.  It was crazier than a birthday.  I was under attack of a barrage of love and gratitude everywhere I went.  There was nowhere to hide.  I found myself hiding behind walls and sneaking through hallways to avoid more unnecessary fawning.

And you know what?  It was an incredible day.  I still don't really understand why it happened, but it was incredible.  I heard from friends I haven't spoken to in years, reminding me of times we had had together that I hadn't thought of in a long time.  I had brand new friends highlighting for me ways that I had already influenced their life for the good even in the short amount of time we've known each other.  At the end of the day, I just went home and cried.

Every day I strive to follow even the subtlest suggestions from the Holy Ghost, to know how to bless others' lives, even in minute ways.  But, for the most part, you just have to live by faith that what you're doing is making a difference because it was inspired.  Usually, in the little things, you don't get an opportunity to learn that what you did actually touched someone's heart.  To have a day that suddenly confirmed to me (out of nowhere) that I really can and do make a difference in people's lives was humbling and empowering.

I think it's important for us to know what we have accomplished, what our current abilities are, and what we have the potential to become and do.  Recognizing our strengths isn't prideful.  Believing that we are intrinsically better than others, or that we've become what we are on our own...that's pride.  But deflecting compliments, ignoring your talents, living below your potential so as not to stand out, or claiming to be less than you are...that is also pride.  What would happen if Heavenly Father didn't accept and understand all that He can do?  What if, when we praised Him, He replied with "No, I'm really not that great.  Thank you, but I've really just gotten lucky, I'm not as powerful as you think.  That's really kind, but I actually have a lot more to learn before I could consider myself an expert in that subject"?  What would be the point of a god who couldn't recognize everything that he was?

There would be no point, because that god wouldn't be able to fill the role he had been given power to fill.  It is the same with us.  It's so important for us to help each other see what our strengths are.  Because it's hard to see it in ourselves.  It's easier to see how our fellow beings glow and change the world.  So tell them what it is you've seen them do, because they might not realize it.  And next time you are complimented on the power that you have, be humble and aware enough to accept it, and to use that knowledge to become an even greater asset.  :)

Because of #TPAD, I have a better understanding now that I really can be a positive influence in the lives of the people I love.  Because of #TPAD, I have a greater confidence to move forward and bless people in ways no one else might.  And you know what?  I'm so excited to see what else I can accomplish.

My name is Todd Partridge, and I have a powerful ability to make sure people feel loved.  I have been blessed with an immensely creative mind that helps me serve people in ways no one else thinks of, and that helps me create new environments for people to come together and bond with each other.  I have a deep and unshakable faith in Jesus Christ.  I am so grateful that my ability to gain and retain gospel knowledge is so vast.  I can quickly recognize and understand the hand of angels in my life and the lives of others.  I have an incredibly large number of people that I can truly call my friends, and I am a good friend.  I know that God has given me these talents and abilities so that I can do many great works for Him, and I will not shirk that responsibility.

...Your turn.  Post on your status, or on this blog, or under my facebook post....I don't care...just post somewhere, for the world to see, a humble declaration of what God has given you that makes you powerful.  It will make you think, and it will feel weird, and it might be hard...but your effort to do this will give you a greater confidence and conviction to be a powerful influence in others' lives.  Your post will likely be one of Heavenly Father's favorite ways that you've decided to show gratitude to Him today.  So...what's so special about you?

Can't Touch This

So sometimes I forget that just because I see someone a lot doesn't make us friends... Earlier today, I had my headphones in, and I was listening to "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift (I understand I may be judged for that statement).  I walked into one of the buildings on campus, and saw a girl across the hall that I see every Tuesday and Thursday in a class I facilitate.  We've never spoken to each other...I'm just familiar with her face.  But sometimes I forget and just decide we're friends.  So when I saw her, I pointed at her and then started busting a move to my music for her.  It wasn't until I noticed her very confused and slightly uncomfortable face that I maybe had just done something very weird.

Oops.

I still had fun dancing.

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Speaking of becoming good friends, I've had something on my mind for a while...and we all know that when that happens, I spew it on a blog post.  So here goes:

I don't think we touch enough.

The other day, I decided to hop on the bus to get onto campus just because it was there when I was, and therefore became more convenient.  I got on and decided to stand instead of sit.  At the next stop, a slew of people came on and found seats or stood in the middle near where I was standing.  The bus got crowded enough that a girl was forced to stand directly to my right.  As the bus made its way down the road, a bump caused her to move just enough to slightly graze my arm with her sleeve...after which she immediately said "Sorry!"

This really struck me.  Even though we were in an environment where bumping into one another is not unlikely and is even expected, and even though she really made such little contact I might not even have noticed, she felt the need to apologize to me for accidentally touching my arm.  As I've paid more attention, I've seen that almost anywhere I am, the people that I watch seem hyper-aware of when they are touched or when they touch someone else...and if it's ever on accident, there is immediate apology, or at least an awkward look that communicates "I didn't mean anything by that."

Actually, even when it's intentional, and even if we're told to touch, the general public gets so tense about touching others if they don't know them.  I watch this on the Aggie Shuttle as it picks up people along 800 East.  As we near the end of the route before we get to campus, the bus gets full (well, it looks full).  I see the poor, bundled up students shivering outside as the bus comes up...and the bus driver says "Alright, everyone, scoot back and squeeze together so we can get these people on the bus!"  After very little, half-hearted shuffling, maybe one more person can fit, even though--as I look around--I can see significant space in between every person on the bus still.  They get as close as they can get to each other without actually making contact.  This infuriates me...because if we were all comfortable touching each other, I wouldn't have to sit there and watch the distress in the eyes of the seven shivering people that have to wait for the next bus to come.

Pioneering psychologist Sidney Jourard studied conversations of friends in different parts of the world as they sat in restaurants together.  He observed these conversations for the same amount of time in each of the different countries.  He found that in England, the two friends never touched each other.  In the United States, in the case of large bursts of enthusiasm, we sometimes will touch each other twice.  But in France, two friends touched each other an average of 110 times per hour.  In Puerto Rico, two friends will touch each other nearly 180 times!

I never really liked making physical contact with people for most of my life.  Enough so that my friends, if they were hugging each other as a goodbye before leaving, would go around and hug each friend, but just wave at me, because it was an unspoken understanding that I love you even though I don't touch you.  I don't know why exactly...maybe I had subconsciously related physical touch with purely romantic intentions...or maybe I felt like it showed respect of another person to keep from making unnecessary contact...there could be many reasons.  But I just never really touched people.  Even in my family, we don't really touch each other, so I hadn't really made a firm connection between contact and affection.  It wasn't until I joined a choir where everyone hugged each other all the time (which, frankly, was weird for me), that my physical touch barrier was shattered and I allowed myself the very simple experience of the hug, to greet a friend.  It's been a couple years since then, and now, I can't imagine what life would be like if I didn't hug and grab my friends as part of my expression of my appreciation for their existence!

Touch is not only the primary language of compassion, but is the primary means of spreading compassion.  In recent years, a wave of studies has documented some incredible emotional and physical health benefits that come from touch.  This research is suggesting that touch is truly fundamental to human communication, bonding, and health.  In one study, scientists built a barrier that separated two strangers from each other, through which one person could stick his or her arm through, and wait.  The other person was given a list of a large number of emotions, and they had to try to convey each emotion through a one-second touch to the stranger's forearm.  The person being touched had to guess the emotion.  Given the number of emotions being considered, the odds of guessing the right emotion by chance were about 8 percent.  But remarkably, participants guessed compassion correctly nearly 80 percent of the time.  Gratitude, anger, love, and fear were also guessed correctly 75 percent of the time.  Taking into account that this wasn't even genuine emotion...but a portrayal of emotion on demand...made these results very interesting.

In fact, other research shows that people identify love, gratitude, and compassion from touch--and can differentiate between those kinds of touch--with more accuracy than they can identify and differentiate those emotions through facial or vocal expression.

Benefits of touch start from the moment we are born.  Tiffany Field, a leader in the field of touch, found that preterm newborns who receive just three 15-minute sessions of touch therapy each day for less than 2 weeks gain 47 percent more weight than premature infants who receive just the standard medical treatment.  Historically, an overwhelming percentage of human babies in orphanages where caretakers starved them of touch have failed to grow to their expected height or weight, and have shown behavioral problems.

Touch is what builds up cooperative relationships.  Touch signals safety and trust...it soothes.  Touch calms cardiovascular stress.  A study by Coan and Davidson, psychological researchers, involved people laying in an fMRI brain scanner.  As they anticipated the painful blast of white noise, they showed heightened brain activity associated with threat and stress.  But participants who had someone simply stroke their arm while they waited did not show this reaction at all.  Touch had turned off the threat switch.

Touch even has economic effects, as it promotes trust and generosity.  Psychologist Robert Kurzban had participants play the "prisoner's dilemma" game, where they can choose to either cooperate with a partner for a limited amount of money, or compete with them for a chance at a greater amount of money.  An experimenter gently touched some of the participants with just a quick pat on the back as they were starting to play the game.  And it made a huge difference.  Those who were touched were MUCH more likely to cooperate and share with their partner.

So how in the world have we in our society lost this essential element of human interaction?  Compared with other cultures, we live in a touch-phobic society that has made affection with anyone but loved ones taboo.  Part of it is influenced by religion, as many people grow up learning over and over that touching others can be inappropriate or sinful.  Also, religious or not, this idea is further confirmed through media.  Studies have shown that about 65 percent of times that we witness two people touching in movies, television, internet websites, etc., it is a touch of a sensual/sexual nature.  Of course we are going to be more careful about touching one another when the majority of how we see touch depicted is so biased toward such intimate intentions.

Our increasingly social-media-centralized world is also having an impact.  Not only are we becoming more and more accustomed to communicating with people without being in the same room as them...but we are developing other notions of communication that make us hesitant to touch.  When we e-mail or text or instant-message a friend, there are so many more misunderstandings of emotion or intention behind the words that have been sent.  We are becoming so accustomed to this idea, that we as humans are not very good at effectively communicating how we feel.  This idea leaks into our personal physical interactions with others.  Of course I'm not going to grab my friend by the shoulder, or give someone's arm a squeeze of encouragement, if I'm convinced that people are more likely than not to misinterpret my intentions.  We have lost our trust in our body's ability to utilize and connect in the most reliable form of communication: touch.

The idea of the touch of a man has especially been hyper-sexualized.  Women touch other men and women here in the United States about 70 more times a day than a man will touch another person.  The problem with this incorrect interpretation of a man's touch is especially evident in sports.  When a team of players come together as often as does a football, soccer, or basketball team, in order to become a single working body and work together to find success in threatening and physically challenging environments, it is the body and mind's natural tendency for them to want to touch each other.  The body recognizes touch as a way to increase comradery, boost awareness of each other, elevate trust, create teammate synchrony, and keep the mind and heart calm in demanding situations.  So, the teammates touch each other, plenty.  But, to keep anyone within our out of the team from thinking anything weird, they result to slapping each other.  Male member of sports teams just hit each other, all over the place.  Even when they hug, it tends to be more of a chest bump.  It's ridiculous.  But the need and benefits of touch are so important and natural for success, they do it.  If only athletes could trust each other enough to touch each other normally instead of just smacking each other...how much better would they play together?

So...do something about it.  I dare you.  Go out today and touch someone when you normally wouldn't have.  Obviously, don't be creepy (as you are most likely not used to consistently making contact with general acquaintances or even friends).  But next time you are thanking someone for being your friend, or encouraging them to do something they're nervous about, or assuring them that you understand, or greeting them for the first time that day, or laughing at a joke they told, or thanking them for sharing their sandwich...just touch them.  Pat their shoulder.  Touch their back.  Grab their arm.  Squeeze their wrist.  Put your arm around them.  Rest your hand on their lap.  It will only be weird until you do it.  Then you'll realize how surprisingly normal and fulfilling it is to make contact with your brothers and sisters all over the world.

Let's not be afraid of each other (or ourselves) anymore.  Show true compassion for your neighbors and show them that you're willing to touch them.  Your quality of life will dramatically improve.  Even when I was vehemently against touching...those times where a friend would force me into a hug or who would still grab me and tell me how great I was, meant more than anyone could ever have known.  It is because people were willing to touch me that I gained any of the compassion, acceptance, perceptiveness, and utter joy for the human existence that I have today.

"To touch can be to give life."

-Michelangelo