So, I'm watching a student rummage through his backpack for an excessively long period of time for a pen. The thing is, it's already become very obvious to me that he doesn't have one...and he knows he doesn't have one. And yet, here I am watching him pretending like he intends to find a pen in there any second now, just so the professor doesn't get angry with him for not bringing something to write with to class. Oh, people are silly.
In fact, there are SO many things that we do or situations we end up in, where we will do almost anything to keep something from being said. The verbalization of a truth or an idea can sometimes terrify us. I really don't think it is a part of our human nature to remain silent...I think our souls long to communicate with one another, to be open and honest...but culture, fear, insecurity, and expectation cause us so often to inhibit the speaking of the mind, and this causes that awkward or tight feeling in the chest when we're all wondering if someone is going to say something.
Like that moment when you're about to walk past someone, and you both turn to the same side to get around each other. And then again. And you both try as hard as possible not to make eye contact, and to make the motion as fluid as possible so everyone can pretend that it didn't really happen.
Or that exhilarating moment when you are found with chocolate on your face, and are asked if you ate the last bit of cake...and some daredevil inside you immediately decides that you mustn't say a word, and give a naive look, just in case they can't figure it out on their own.
Sometimes we even try to use mind powers in the midst of silence, to try to put across a point without verbalizing it, or showing any body language. Like when you're sitting in a public setting like a class or a meeting, and someone is coming toward you, but you don't want them to sit by you. You don't make eye contact, but you don't suddenly throw anything you own on the seats next to you or lean over and cover them or shake your head at them as they approach...in fact, you probably don't move at all. Yet, you can probably relate when I say that you are sending out a great big subtle "DON'T SIT HERE" with your mind that surrounds the area, and pray that they will hopefully subconsciously pick up the signal and veer off in another direction. We all know it doesn't actually work...but whenever they actually do make a course change, it only encourages us to try our mental game next time as well.
We hold our tongues in courtesy as well. Like that moment when you're just sitting there minding your own business, and all of a sudden, the person next to you (whom you do not know well or at all) suddenly burps on accident. It was just loud enough that it was a little startling, but not enough to have made you jump. Now, while it might be more obvious to turn to them and say "Wow, that was ridiculous," or "Child, please...", you instead just laugh on the inside and pretend like that exceptionally unexpected and gross noise actually wasn't heard by anybody in the room. And you know what? While it may be awkward, the embarrassed offender appreciates your lack of acknowledgment.
I've recently found myself at a very consistent loss for words, which has sparked my interest in the subject. You see, sometimes we are left to silence just because there is nothing to say. I have this friend (and, as I'm about to explain, probably any time that I talk about "a friend" on my blog, it's probably this person) that I get along with very well. We've ended up in a lot of the same classes, we work at the same place, are in the same choir, are partners in crime, and much more. In short, I see this friend an awful lot. I've noticed recently, as we walk to our next appointment or sit down to lunch, that sometimes hardly a word is said. It must be very amusing to anyone watching, to see the two of us going around everywhere together without saying anything to each other. The problem is, what am I supposed to talk about?
"How was your day?" I know how your day was. I was there.
"What did you have for lunch?" Oh wait, I ate that too.
"Got any fun plans this weekend?" You know, those plans we already have put in motion and are excited about?
"Got your eye on anyone lately?" Umm...other than the people that I already watch you becoming good friends with and asking out on dates...
I usually can't even start babbling about something new I've been pondering lately, because I've probably already said it. I have nothing to contribute! So, in this situation, you start worrying: they're going to think I'm mad at them or something, because I'm not talking. They'll think I'm depressed. They probably wish they could be somewhere else...actually talking to someone. The other day, I even asked my friend about their feelings about pickles...just because I literally couldn't think of anything to talk about. So they expressed their feelings about pickles...and then I didn't have any more follow-up questions. Excellent. They probably think I'm planning some big scheme to make a sculpture of Zeus out of pickles or something.
I think too often we associate silence with something negative, just because we know that if we're the guy rummaging through our backpack, it means we've messed up...or if we're the ones running into a stranger on the street, it's because things are awkward...or if we've got our hand in the cookie jar, it's because we're trying to deceive someone...or if we're the one walking into class looking for a seat, it means we're not wanted. Because of these experiences, silence is looked upon as a sign that something is wrong.
But what about the guy who burped?? Your silence was a quiet sign of new friendship! What about the hush that moves over a congregation as a prophet steps in? Silence is respect. 9/11? Silence is remembrance. The end to tears on the face of the loved one you wrap your arms around? Silence is relief. It is love. It is understanding.
So yes, as I and my friend go about silently, we are communicating something. It is a silence that says, "I am comfortable here. I feel accepted by you. I trust you. I understand. Your company is enough. Your presence is valuable to me. You don't need to explain yourself. We act as one."
Silence speaks volumes. I hope you notice it the next time you encounter it. Take a moment to explore the depths of the silences you come across this day, tomorrow, and the next. You may find depths to the human soul you've not yet seen.
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