You thought with a blog post title like that, I was going to say something inspirational. Nope.
My crammed school/performance/homework/job schedule, along
with my commitment to be in bed by eleven every night, has made it impossible
to facilitate a daily blog post. It was
good while it lasted, though! I’m proud
of my 35 consecutive day streak. I
shall, in fact, take a bow.
I am saddened by this fact, because I always have something
interesting to monologue about…but just lack the time to do so. As do I this very night. So, this is blog post is simply my admit to
defeat. I will not be writing a blog
post daily anymore. We’ll see how often
I can write now. I will try my best. But, so I feel better about my defeat, I will pretend it is a victory with this awesome song from one of my favorite episodes of SpongeBob.
Until then, I love you.
You may fantasize the emotion behind those words as you wish.
Sometimes things don’t happen in the exact situation or
place you had envisioned…but just the fact that the thing I anticipated
actually happened in any way is good enough.
J Today has been an indescribable day.
Today I sang at the LDS seminary of my old high school, Sky
View, all day, which was brilliant. I
went home, got a bunch of homework done, prepared for some filmmaking, wrote a
poem, went to the mall, goofed off at a gas station with Marissa, and bought a
bunch of strangely flavored chips.
Then Marissa, Marti, and I went to an indoor lacrosse game
to support our good friend Blake! It was
very interesting. I’d never watched
lacrosse played in the middle of winter on an indoor rubber turf. We had fun watching…and we were Blake’s (#10)
number one fans! We yelled and cheered…and
even started a cheer throughout the rather unengaged crowd for a minute or
so. And I caught Marti checking out one
of the referees.
Then, my phone started ringing. I checked the screen…just a number, no
name. Usually I don’t answer the phone
if I don’t know who it is; I let them record a message first. But this time, I answered. I couldn’t hear what they were saying…but I
picked out that they asked if I had a minute to talk. I yelled “YEAH, ONE SECOND!” and jogged out
of the arena to the cold winter air.
Once I was out on a lonely unused icy road, I asked who this was I was
talking to. He informed me that his name
was Elder Camp. My heart stopped.
“Is this Todd?”
“….Yes.”
“Brother Partridge, you have been selected and called to
serve as a young performing missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter
Day Saints in the Nauvoo, Illinois performing mission for 2013. Do you accept this calling?”
“…………”
“Hello? Are you still
there?”
“….oh. YES! Yes, I am here!”
“Do you accept this calling?”
“Yes! Yes I do!!”
…..I fell over as he proceeded to tell me some of the
details related to my mission call. I
silently began to weep as I knelt on the wet asphalt in the quiet of the night
outside an empty sports garage. After
the phone call, I just cried on the ground, so shocked that this incredible
blessing I had secretly begged for in my heart had actually happened. I said a prayer of thanksgiving, laid in wonder
for a couple minutes, and then headed back inside.
I just sat back down in between Marti and Marissa, beaming,
and very wet. When they saw my wet red
face, Marti thought I had fallen, and Marissa thought she had spit on me…when I
told them I’d been crying, well…… We rejoiced together in the turf of an indoor
lacrosse game.
I will leave for Nauvoo…AS WELL MY SISTER…on May 3 (the
Friday of finals week). I still don’t
believe it. This is going to be incredible. I don’t think there is anything better I
could have asked for.
Aaahh, Valentine’s Day.
How sweet you are. I think it’s
silly that so many people get mad that people talk about having a “Valentine”
when they don’t. Come on. I thought we were old enough that we could be
thrilled for others when they are happy!
Perhaps not.
This Valentine’s Day marked the third anniversary of me and
my ex-girlfriend’s first real encounter together. I guess that sounds weird unless you
understand that she and I are absolutely best friends…even after dating and
breaking up. I hang out with her all the
time (well, used to…now I do when both of our schedules allow it, which isn’t
very often, sadly).
Three years ago on a cold Thursday night, she and I were
walking out of a choir practice and just happened to be walking the same
direction to our cars. I got to talking
to her and getting to know her a little better.
Valentine’s Day was about a week away, so of course it came up in the
conversation, and we talked about how we didn’t have Valentines and didn’t have
anything fun to do that night. I really
didn’t even know her very well, but I was like “Hey, you should totally be my
Valentine. We’ll do something cool…beat
the system!” She laughed and
agreed. It was a date!!
During the following days, our date ideas evolved into an
adventure in which we would get a couple changes of clothing, take pictures
together in a bunch of places in different outfits, and put them into an album,
and convince people that they had all been completely unaware that we had been
dating for a couple weeks. Then, to top
it all off, another friend of mine invited me to find a date to bring to a
little dinner he was cooking for his Valentine that night. Well, my Valentine just happened to be the
girl that had somehow ended up being the annoyingly persistent third wheel or
double-date buddy for like six of his previous dates. When I told him I already had a date for that
night I could bring, he was very surprised (which I found a little
insulting). I didn’t tell him it was the
girl that seemed to pop up at every one of his dates though…the set-up was
priceless.
When I picked her up on Valentine’s Day, I had decided to be
sappy and had cut out about 30 paper hearts of all sizes, red, pink, and white,
and attached them via string to the inside roof of my great big van…they were
hanging everywhere. It was adorable. We headed to my friend’s house, and posed in
a ridiculous and flirtatious pose as we waited for him to answer. When the door opened, it was his Valentine,
who busted up laughing and told my friend to come to the door. He came, and when he saw my Valentine, she
threw his hands in the air, yelled in agony and sarcastic coincidence and just
walked away. It was brilliant. We had a quaint dinner (he is a really good
cook) and then headed back to my house.
Inspired by Tanner and Linda
Picture time!! We
found some pictures of our friends who were couples and copied them exactly for
our own album. Looking at it all, it was
convincing “evidence” that we had been dating for a couple of weeks. It was brilliant. But…it wasn’t enough. We needed something more. So we decided to put on aprons and take a
barrage of pictures of us baking an ice cream cake together. Only…what random college student knows how to
make an ice cream cake? Not us. So for the pictures, we just took out a
mixing bowl, filled it with flour, and plopped a couple ice cream scoops on
top. We didn’t actually take a picture
with the bowl in it…we just needed quick access to flour and ice cream (do you
even put flour in an ice cream cake?).
We threw it all over each other and got all messy and acted all cute as
my mother took pictures of us with her fancy camera.
We needed something that would leave no question in anyone’s
minds that we were dating…so we staged a series of photos so I could photoshop
a picture of us kissing with flour all over our faces. It turned out beautifully! It looks 100% real. I was quite proud of it.
Okay, I just lied. I
just know she will read this at some point, and I wanted her to get really mad
at me. ;) Actually, it was a real picture. I had never kissed anyone before, but the
serious actor in me somehow had it in him to put this picture together. You couldn’t really call it a kiss, though,
because it basically went “1……..2………3……….GO!” Then we bashed heads together at
lightning speed and hoped my mother caught it on camera.
We had to do it twice.
Then we posted it and went from being single to being in a
relationship on facebook. Baha.
And that was my first date with my would-soon-be first
girlfriend. And the first adventure of a
stunning series of epic endeavors we would have together all the way through.
Do you ever find yourself, during one of those periods of time that you have become bored nigh unto death, just poking yourself in the face, or squeezing your face in unnatural and sometimes painful positions? I do. But what has really weirded me out during this activity is this: As you are feeling/poking/stroking/pinching your face, do you ever suddenly discover that place just below your eye that your face stops being hard and just sinks into your head? *shudders* It is at that moment that I am suddenly very aware of the fact that my head is just flesh all over a skull. I keep feeling around my eye because I can actually feel the great holes in my skull where my eyes go! It's unnerving! And then, now that my skull awareness has been raised significantly, I look in the mirror and pull my lips away from my teeth...THERE IS MORE SKULL! Only this part of my skull is exposed!! The more I stare at my teeth and gums and observe my eye sockets, the more I just see a skull as I look in the mirror. It is an alarming experience. But it is worth the effort!
I now remember why I didn't like raisins as a child. For some reason, I thought I didn't like them because of the way the tasted...but today, I ate some, and they're okay! As most of you may recall, raisins are nearly always found inside little red "Sun Maid" boxes. Cute. But it is the worst ever. There's no way to get them out of there! After just casually shaking some out into your hand, you suddenly find that nothing is coming out. Others start staring when you started banging the box against your hand or the desk or the wall, holding it up to your eye to make sure there are still raisins in there, and then the little dance you do trying to get the box off your fingers once your hand gets stuck inside. By the end, 10% of the raisins you tried to eat can be found underneath your fingernails as a result of your fight to get them out for snackage. It is quite the ordeal for such a small box of shriveled fruit.
Still no word on this whole Nauvoo Mission thing. I love that I feel so entitled to have received some word by now...when it's only been three days. That's what anticipation will do to you, I suppose.
Does anyone else have the problem that I do when it comes to texting? Okay, I have a couple problems when it comes to texting. And maybe it's just because I'm always going at a million miles an hour, but when people text me, there's probably about a fifty-fifty chance that I will text them back. I am never the one to send the text that ends the conversation, I just text back until the text I receive doesn't absolutely require a response, then I discontinue the conversation. I always read texts that I receive, and I enjoy them, and remember them, and can talk to the person who sent them to me about them when I next see them, but unless it is some kind of transaction in which I must respond in order to get something done either for them or for me, I probably won't text back. I'm just not a conversational texter. However, I can always remember every person that I still intend on texting back. If I am busy for a long period of the day, and I receive several texts from different people, five of those people being those I feel I need to respond to, and the end of the day I can still clearly remember the five people I need to text. They always just linger in the back of my mind. So if you've texted me and clearly showed that you needed a response, know that I didn't completely forget about you...you're still there in the back of my mind, nagging at me to get me to text you back.
Tonight as I walked home from work, I suddenly felt the need to be very cautious as I approached the streetlight that so cleverly startled me last time around. It was already ablaze this time, so there really was no need for suspicion. It turns out, just as I approached it, it went out, and all was dark. I'm not sure if it was trying to trip me up again, or if it was afraid of what I might have been thinking to do to it...in either case, it succeeded in causing a suddenly inability to see where I was going. You win again, Alien Lamppost...but I will win this battle. Just you wait.
Dancing across Utah State campus with your headphones in is especially fun in the nighttime...because you have the whole place to yourself, and no one is watching (no one you can see, anyway).
I have been thinking a lot about vision lately...of all kinds. The amount of light one is exposed to, the greatness of the vision of the future one has, the attention one gives to visions in dreams, the splitting of an atom...wait, that's fission. Sorry about that.
You can just tell when a person has been exposed to a lot of physical light, and when someone has not. Those people that live in basements that don't have windows just tend to look scarier, one reason being they just aren't exposed to light. More than we realize, I think, our bodies act as receptacles of light. The more light we are exposed to, the more we absorb. That light, in turn, fills our faculties and our eyes and our smile, and slowly leaks back out of us into the world surrounding. You can see that. You can see those people that just seem to have more light around them. It's because they do! They've been around more light, and thus their bodies have had more to absorb!
I don't have much to say at this time about visions in dreams...because I don't think enough of my readers have enough faith in the things I would say. So I will simply say this: I firmly believe that every one of you has had a vision in a dream, whether you know it or not. And you have the capacity for more.
It is obvious that a clear and positive vision of the future is vital for success. We all know this. And yet there are still some of us who don't realize that sometimes we don't actually have that vision. If any person asked us if it was important to have a bright and expectant vision of what is ahead, we would say yes, but then if asked what our own vision of the future is...we don't really have a straight answer to give! I believe this is because this kind of vision is not one that we just absorb from the world around us. This kind of vision is one that actually originates in us and then is seen by the world we live in. There is physical vision, which we take in, and temporal vision, which we send out. We are creators of this kind of vision, and the world responds.
Far too many times I find that I am living below my privileges (three tries to spell that correctly this time) simply because my highest expectations were lower than was actually possible. I don't know that I really have a high enough vision about anything. I don't think we have the capacity to really visualize in its fullness all the goodness and opportunity that is out there. So, I've been raising my sights...making brighter the vision that comes from inside me...and it has been amazing the way the world has reacted! I am getting more accomplished each day, I am happier, and I feel more successful, because I am realizing new possibilities I hadn't considered before!
Think of the expectations you have in the future for any one aspect of your life. What is the very best that you realistically think that you can achieve or see in that part of your life? You got it? You thinking realistically, what is the best that can happen with your circumstances and your skill set? Good. Now realize that you're being stupid and raise that sight even higher. Decide that is the new reality. Now go for it. See what happens. It's very exciting.
So I have this fairly severe problem called hypoglycemia. It causes the at least daily black-out, the occasional small seizure, and the infrequent pass out. Besides all of this, there is the immediacy of confusion and sometimes anger if I haven't had any sugar in a two-hour period. You see, I metabolize everything I eat lightning fast, so I am always in need of more nutrients...hypoglycemia on top of this makes it so my blood sugar becomes depleted extremely fast, which is the reason for mood swings, poor choices, and other silly parts of my life. Once again, while I was in my computer science class, I realized that I couldn't understand a word the professor was saying and I was just getting upset. So, I grabbed my stuff and walked out of the class so I could go buy some candy. A lot of times when I'm having a problem, I can wait it out, but there are a lot of times where I can't. I bought some lemon heads (& friends) and Mike & Ikes to gobble up to up my blood sugar. A lot of people with hypoglycemia can rely on snacks like apples or celery or something...but I am unfortunately allergic to raw fruits and vegetables. So, really, the only potent enough source of sugar that can help me is candy. If you know me very well, you've probably seen me just munching through candy like a freight train....it's literally what keeps me alive!
I will stop there for fear of this subject turning into an uncontrollable rant about the frustrations of my condition.
In other news, I have a new class that I am facilitating for my job...and as I have had the privilege (never in my life have I spelled that word right the first time) to turn their microphones on and off, I have realized that I may have missed a few key players in the college classroom! As I have observed:
Clyde Clueless: His mouth is always hanging open just a little as he stares fairly blankly at the teacher during class. His blinks are slow and his voice is deep. At the end of subject covered, he carefully raises his hand and declares he has a question. He then asks what the definition is of the word the teacher has been using the entire class period, or when the next class period is, or what exactly of what the teacher said will be on the next exam, or if he could repeat the last three paragraphs, or sometimes he has misunderstood the material completely and asks a question about what that has to do with how big the solar system is. The phones of all the other students immediately emerge when Clyde begins to speak.
Samantha Snackum: Always eating, non-stop. And never fruit-snacks or anything quiet and unnoticed like that. No, Samantha delights in Subway sandwiches, Pringles, sloppy joes, and Arby's. She graciously apologizes to the teacher every time she brings food in, and swears it's not going to happen again...but she just didn't have time for lunch. She usually chews with her mouth open, and she never remembers napkins. The odor of her meal pervades the nostrils of the other classmates, inducing a general trance-like state. Never sit in front of Samantha, because when she laughs at the teacher's dry humor...well...you're not so dry.
Darin Dressup: This kid is always wearing something ridiculous when he walks into class. Whether it is a flowing pirate coat, a bow tie and bowler hat, giant glasses, or garbage man jumpsuit, he always strides in feeling so classy and set apart...which is partially true because no one sits by him. He has this kind of awkward crooked smile, and when he looks at you, it feels like he is eating your soul. It is acceptable to compliment him on his outfits on occasion, but it can be dangerous to encourage him too much.
Lisa Lifestory: Every answer she gives to one of the teacher's questions is a five minute dialogue of her past life experiences. Whenever someone says something about themselves in class, she immediately chimes in, stating that she has also done that very thing...or stating that she has done something that trumps their experience. She seems to believe that the entire classroom is dying to know everything about what she does each day, and all of her childhood memories of being four years old. Even when the teacher is giving the discourse, Lisa can be heard still telling someone about her husband or boyfriend or mother, and that someone is rarely actually listening to her. Each of her stories is always laced with a (what she thinks is subtle) hint at a "poor me, but I'm strong, so I'll be okay" kind of feel.
So today was an interesting day. Got up early, even though I didn't have church until 11...but then I didn't exercise like I have been doing, because missionaries don't exercise on Sunday, so I figured I shouldn't bother with it either. I lounged around, played some piano, and read some of Mormon Doctrine by Bruce R. McConkie (brilliant stuff). I went to church, LOVED sacrament meeting, and then I taught our Sunday School class with Britten. It was so good. He is a really great teacher. Then, I skipped Elders Quorum.
WHAT?
It's okay, it was for perfectly good reason. Spontaneous and kind of nerve-wracking reason, but good reason.
I have this friend who was able to serve as a full-time missionary last summer, more particularly a young performing missionary, in Nauvoo, Illinois, for our church. In September, he started asking a bunch of people to audition to be a young performing missionary this coming summer. When he asked me, I told him that I would like to, but there was just no way. I didn't have a job, so I would have no way to pay for it, and I had some commitments in the summer that I couldn't back out on. Also, young adults would be auditioning from all over the whole nation...and elsewhere, for twenty spots: ten male, ten female. So I didn't do it.
Four of my friends (all in Latter-day Voices) were accepted and called to serve as full-time missionaries this next summer in Nauvoo. I was so happy for them. There just can't be many experiences greater than that one. I wanted so badly to have been able to do it.
Then, my commitments I had for the summer fell through, and I started looking into selling the Living Scriptures door-to-door somewhere in the United States over the summer, and making a whole lot of money. I had an interview and everything! Then, I got a job working as a Regional Campuses and Distance Education Facilitator on Utah State campus, which I love. Everything was looking pretty great.
Then, about four days ago, just as they were getting ready to follow up on me to see if I would commit to selling the Living Scriptures over the summer, I suddenly felt like I should hang back, like it wasn't the right thing to do. So I kind of put it out of my mind and continued with my busy life.
The very next day, Devin (the friend who served in Nauvoo last year) approached me again and told me that not only was the Church now looking for two male and two female tech missionaries for Nauvoo, but there was also still a spot open as a young performing missionary. Apparently, as they were praying and praying about who to call to Nauvoo, nine of the ten male spots were filled, but they just didn't get a confirmation about any of the others who tried out (even though some were really good!) that they were the one...so it's just empty. They have done the summer with only nine Elders before, but they also just don't know if they just hadn't met the tenth Elder yet. It was like everything had just clicked into place for me to possibly fill that tenth spot...and, if not, perhaps be a tech missionary!
So today, I showed up to the meeting, where two girls came (one of them being a surprise...I brought my sister along!) hoping to be tech missionaries, and four guys came. One hoping solely to be a performing missionary, one solely to be a tech missionary, and then I and one other came in hopes to be one of either. As they discussed with us the rigorous and miraculous work that comes with being a young performing/tech missionary in Nauvoo, my heart just leaped at the thought of being able to be a full-time missionary again. There are just so many more chances as a full-time missionary to jump into COMPLETELY impossible tasks and see them accomplished anyway through faith in Jesus Christ. I wanted nothing more than to have all those extra commandments from the Lord again. I was brought back to my own mission, where I was able to serve as a leader at one point that allowed me to know and serve about 160 other missionaries. Nothing can compare.
And so I auditioned. And filled out a form to be a tech missionary. Now, all there is to do is wait. They didn't give any kind of day to look for an answer...so I have no idea if I will find out in two days or two months what my fate is. I don't want to get my hopes up in case it doesn't happen...but there would be nothing sweeter than this experience.
Saturdays really throw me off. Well, only some Saturdays. But this is one of them. I wish you could see schedule most days...actually, you probably can! One moment...
In between all those commitments, I am doing homework, planning an epic music video, putting together a 3-day murder mystery, and trying to let at least a couple of my friends know that I still exist and like them. But this is what I am used to, so Saturday comes along, and I have no specific times I need to be anywhere! It only takes me about two hours before I am just running around the house with so much energy I don't know what to do with. I'm so overscheduled, when I have one day without one, I go bonkers!
Dance Central is great.
...I feel like dancing comes up a lot in my blog posts...But with good reason! Dancing is definitely one of the four main purposes of life.
Don't worry, I didn't end up having nothing to do; I had a lot of leftover work from my other days that had piled into my Saturday. You see, I recently was reading in the scriptures, and came across the bit that says to "retire to thy bed early" and to rise up early in the morning. I've always just thought of those as cute words to live by...but as I was reading them this time, it really hit me hard that it was, in fact, a commandment from the Lord. And I have been ignoring it. Filled with a repentant spirit, I have decided to go to bed by 11 pm. Getting up early hasn't been a problem...have the time I have to be in class by 7. But this going to bed early thing is a struggle. This just doesn't integrate with college life! There's not enough time in the day to do everything if you're going to bed by 11! It seems impossible. And at 11, most of my friends are still hanging out. But I have just girded up my loins and decided to trust God. It's scarier to really just put all your trust in God when you see possibilities closing as you follow a commandment than it seems it would be! Though I don't know how I will survive while being in bed for such a ridiculous amount of time, I will do it. It will work out.
I hate sleeping for longer than 4 hours. It's a terrible experience. So I spend like three hours just rolling around wishing I wasn't in bed. But I will do it! And I have a friend who is doing it with me (or professing to). It always helps to do something hard if you can find someone else doing it to. Somehow it gives you more strength. I don't really understand how, but it does.
With this new development in my life, it may become impossible for me to write a daily blog. We'll see.
Today, I went to school and fulfilled all my other regular duties. While I was setting up all the tech for something at the Logan Institute called "Religion in Life," I started setting up all the video and audio needed to feed into a separate room from the gymnasium it is held in as a type of overflow room for late-comers to sit if there is no room, or for mothers and such who have disruptive things with them. I realized as I was setting it all up this time that there was probably a grand total of two people in the Institute that knew that this overflow room existed. There was really no point in setting it up because no one was ever going to go there! And we've been setting that up for months! So I drew up a bunch of signs so some people would know. I wonder how many other things we do in a day or week or month that we think is really contributing to the success of something, when really it is, in essence, really accomplishing nothing. Whoops.
Then, I came home, and my mother decided it would be fun for me to go shopping with her! I don't know if any of you experience the Shopping Knee Syndrome that I do...you know, after you've been wandering a store for longer than ten minutes, your legs start to go week and you just want to throw your body onto anything around you because the life in your body is being zapped out of you. It's especially bad in Wal-Mart...it only takes three minutes there. There are a few ways to deal with this...mine is dancing. My mom especially always looks embarrassed when I start happily dancing down the aisles, but it keeps the Shopping Knee Syndrome at bay!
Anyway, there we were, doing the running-man throughout the store, when they announced over the loudspeaker that Western Family ice cream was on sale!! In our frantic rush to the freezers, I was temporarily entranced by those big buckets of candy they have where you scoop some out, put it in a bag, and weigh it. One of my friends' favorite candy is those weird Lego-shaped candies. So I bought a pound of those and continued on toward the ice cream. When we got there, each bucket of ice cream was $1.88!!! Thrilled, I turned to my mom with the best puppy eyes I could muster...and she told me to grab what flavors I wanted. I'm sure she expected me to grab 4. I grabbed 10. And she still bought them all!! When I turned around after throwing them all in the cart, there were two people behind us that were just kind of staring, dumbfounded. But they had some weird ones like Peanut Butter Moose Tracks, Berry Cheesecake, and Salted Caramel Pretzel. You can't just walk away from such delicacies! We are well on our way to becoming the "Ice Cream House" again. We currently have 14 flavors for you to choose from at your leisure. Come on over!
When I got home, I suddenly remembered that my friend has recently discovered that there are a lot of things she really shouldn't eat due to health conditions...sugar being one of them...so, though I feel guilty and sad that she couldn't enjoy them, I have slowly been eating the Lego candies. They don't really fit together. Don't try to get them to snap in place...they just crumble and ruin your shirt.
I love candy. It's like my sustaining life force. Actually, it really is my sustaining life force! More on that later, probably.
Today as I was walking toward my Computer Science class, I saw a man approach a girl and ask if she would participate in a brief survey. He asked her who her favorite superhero was, why, and then he asked her, if she was given the opportunity to kiss someone upside down Spiderman style, would she do it. She said maybe, and all of a sudden, Spiderman fell from the overhang, right in front of her, and offered her a kiss! She did it!
This is what life is for. I think college is one of the best places to see life really lived. Not enough people in this world bring their random dreams to life. Have you done something ridiculously random and epic like this lately?
Why is it so unnatural for us to recognize and appreciate our healthiness? We always say it, but it is always true, that you don't appreciate your wellness until you are sick. Why don't we ever overcome that?? Well, I guess some people do...but I haven't yet.
You see, it wasn't until about noon today, after I'd been moving to and fro all over campus, that I realized I haven't been limping all day! My ankle seems to have somehow miraculously healed overnight...and I didn't even notice. Ridiculous.
So yesterday, I did something fairly embarrassing. I had just gotten done with work, and casually turned off all the monitors and microphones and lights...I walked upstairs, put in my headphones, and quietly and cheerfully headed toward my car. The song I was listening to got to one of its quiet parts, when all of a sudden, I walked under an inactive streetlight that blasted me with light directly over my head just as the dramatic key change in the song erupted through my ears. For some strange reason, the very first thought that burst from my brain was..."ALIENS!!" I flipped out. In a mad dash to get out from underneath the tractor beam, I slipped on the sinisterly placed patch of ice and totally biffed it on my face. I'm sure it would have been extremely amusing to anyone who may have had the privilege of watching my instantaneous and violent collapse on the ground. I'm just glad that if anyone did see it, they didn't have access to my thoughts. I don't know what possessed me to genuinely believe I was about to be abducted by aliens, but it happened.
This world would be so much more of an amusing place if we all immediately expressed our first thoughts about something....most of us would probably look a lot ditsier. Did you know that YOU aren't even aware of most of your initial reactions to things analytically in your brain? That's right, your brain is acting so fast all the time, that it instantaneously interprets any experience around you, trying to make sense of it. But, since the first thousand initial thoughts about a situation are almost always wrong, your brain has learned to inhibit most of those reactions from reaching the more conscious mind until it has made several hundred processes. It is when a couple of those leak into our consciousness just before the correct interpretations are reached that we do something really stupid like think that your leg has magically disappeared or that your friend was just absorbed into the earth or that two siblings just got engaged to each other or that you just instantaneously lost your hearing or your mother has been killed or that you're being abducted by aliens.
It saddens me that so many of us are so worried about being judged by others, and we know that these initial thoughts are sometimes entirely stupid, we often do not react on our initial impressions, but rather hold back and do nothing, or keep watching. Sometimes, that initial impression is right, and it is just in time to get that second chance you thought you'd lost, or to comfort a seriously grieving friend, or to leap out of the way of danger, or to safe a family member's life.
Don't you think that we ought to cultivate our immediate reaction to high-pressure thoughts we have? I don't know about you, but I'd say that developing a skill that will save a loved one is worth falling on your face running away from aliens once in a while.
I'm starting to dislike my job a little just because it makes me feel so guilty. I am a very hyper-active person...I love to be able to get things done. I love to be successful and productive and creative. When I come to work, I turn on some monitors, watch the microphones, and sit. Honestly, if the Distance Education Department could just trust all their students coming in, the people coming to class could easily do what I do, and it would be self-sufficient. I really enjoy doing it, but I'm so uncomfortable with how much I am paid to do nothing! If they paid me a dollar for every button I press, I would get paid less than I do right now. It's ridiculous. I feel like for $120 a week, though it is slim for a college student like me, I should be trying to invent some new computer program or something! I'll keep doing it...but I think my guilt will only build.
Today I was able to go to a luncheon with a bunch of groups of many different faiths. We came together to discuss our religions in a friendly, non-proselytizing way. It was so fun! I think that especially here in Utah, but I have seen it elsewhere, it is so easy to end up segregating yourself from other religions as a Mormon. Not out of judgment or stereotypes or "high-and-mighty" reasons, but just because we gather together so much as congregations, sometimes we forget there are other people out there!
I found the insights I gained from what a Jewish man and and Catholic woman knew to be quite inspiring. Sure, we believe The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to be the perfect vehicle for learning and living the pure Gospel of Jesus Christ...but that doesn't mean that any of us are perfect drivers! No Mormon knows everything, nor is everything that we know correct. I honestly believe that, no matter what happens, anybody on this earth--no matter where they are or how they were brought up--who honestly seeks for truth will find it. All of us. It may have to wait until we are dead, but we will all find out what is really true in the end. Isn't that exciting?
That's what I love about life. It doesn't matter who or when or where or what we are brought up in, every person on this earth will have their own scenario in which they can prove themselves in their desires for virtue and justice. Despite our brains' desperate drive to do so...we don't need to place others in boxes of judgment or personality due to religion or circumstances. When it comes down to it, in our uniqueness, we are all the same, with the same vital privileges.
I feel like Bob Cratchett the Christmas of Tiny Tim's death as I trudge up the hill toward my home after school. Not comparative to his sadness and despair...rather just the rate at which he walks. I like to be able to get places pretty quickly, but the hill that normally takes me ten minutes to hike to get home now takes me 25 minutes. It takes me 150% longer to get anywhere with this bum ankle of mine.
I often keep some kind of soda in my backpack because I get thirsty and I like them. Problem is, with my Igor-like harrumphing along, my sodas inevitably are shaken to their wits end as I travel from place to place. It's amazing how long a well-shaken bottle of soda takes to sigh when you just slightly crack the lid so the air can escape without your making a mess. Sometimes it takes the whole hour! Root beer is especially tricky, because it is of Diablo and lies to you. Watch, when you open a root beer, all the air escapes really fast. Nothing happens. Relieved, you take the cap off. Then, the root beer's one-second delay is over, and it becomes a miniature Mount Vesuvius. Many a day as the nefarious root beer duped me and soiled my pants.
Speaking of feet, I have another anomaly of sentiments I would like to discuss today: I think it is amazing the things will do that are unpleasant simply because we want to be sure to please another person, whether they are our boss, our mother, our girlfriend/boyfriend, etc. It seems an obvious sentiment to do something painful for someone you love if it is going to bring them great success or save their life...it's the little, irrelevant pains we will put ourselves through that are very funny to me.
Let me explain what I mean.
This is a pair of shoes I was graciously given out of the blue a couple weeks ago by a good friend of mine. He just recently returned from an LDS mission, and I had just been desiring some more colorful shoes to wear. Out of nowhere, he's like, "Hey, Todd, I have a present for you!" and it was awesome colorful shoes!! I was so touched, pleased, and excited!
And then I put them on.
If you look closely at the right shoe, you will find quickly that there is a rather large tear on the top on the right side. But that's okay, I can deal with that.
But they don't really secure to your feet very well. As I am walking around, they just kind of flop up and down off my ankles. They're the right size, but they just don't hug your foot when you've tied it at the place where you put your foot in and out.
But I can deal with that. The thing that absolutely boggles my mind (I don't know how many of you have already noticed, and are just waiting on pins and needles for me to mention it) is how things shoes ever got sold as a pair in the first place. Seriously?? Can you see the 1.5 inch difference between the length of the white stitching on the left shoe from the right shoe? They are SO asymmetrical, I want to throw up. I wonder if just everyone in the shoe industry is blind, or someone let them slip through as a cruel joke. Either way, I don't approve. I demand symmetry in all feasible aspects of my life.
But I wear them! At least once a week! Why? Because I'm sure that my friend never noticed the defects, and he was so excited to give them to me. I will put myself through an entire day of torture simply so he can see me wearing them once a week and smile.
And we all have things like that we do for those we care about in our lives. Absolutely nonessential silly things that we do, impractical for us, just to help them feel our love. It's inspiring, really.
You have no idea how many seemingly insignificant things others change about their lives just for you, that you have never noticed. You are so lucky! And you don't even know it!!
Goodness, it's been a crazy day. I knew it was going to be a day full of surprises when it started off with me walking into the bathroom, and suddenly discovering a large sharp pin with my foot. You cringe because it sounds painful. It was. So, I'm just hobbling around throughout the day, and then I twisted my already shattered ankle during gymnastics class. If it looks like I'm walking funny, it's because I am.
Gymnastics class is nuts. So, I have never done any kind of attempt at a back handspring in my life (nor has anyone else in the class), and they're just like "Hey, everybody, here's this incline. Go up the incline, go up into a handstand, then as you come back down, do a back handspring down the incline!" HA. They're trying to get me walking around on my hands when I haven't even been asked to do an effective handstand without a spotter yet. I am learning much about how ineffective it is to try to learn more complicated things without mastering the basics first. It just ends in injury.
I am learning in my philosophy class about concepts such as happiness, virtue, and pleasure as seen through the eyes of Aristotle. At first I was simply annoyed at the contradiction that he posed in stating that happiness is found in the unimpeded and infinite ability to perform virtuous actions, but then he says the happiest life is the life of contemplation. Of all things to "do," contemplation seems the least qualified to be called an action. But I had definitely just been taking the opportunity to simply contemplate for granted. Now, with my extremely busy lifestyle, I rarely have time to just think to myself. I'm always working or in class or doing homework or finishing big projects for other people...so times to just stop and think simply what I want to think about are precious. I look forward to the time around midnight where I can just turn everything off and hide away from everyone and just think for a second.
I think that's one of the reasons for many of the terrible things we are seeing in today's society. We live in a world of go-go-go...who has time to think anymore? Really, it's getting harder to do for us as a society. When we have time to think, we do it through browsing facebook or exploring pinterest or watching a movie... We rarely just stop and put everything away but ourselves and just think. But it is one of the most rewarding things to be able to do that each day! It makes you more successful, too.
If you need to schedule in short periods of time to do nothing, DO IT. I've started to. I have a little alarm on my phone that tells me when I need to stop for at least to minutes and just think. It's brilliant. Even in the busyness of all I do...I'm always looking forward for that alarm to ring.
Do you ever have those days where you wake up and you're getting ready for the day, and then something really stupid comes up that begins to delay you, and in your lack of patience in the busy routine of the morning, you do something rash to remedy or ignore the problem so you can be on your way? Well, I did that today. I was moving along, getting all ready to go to church this morning, and as I was grooming myself in front of the mirror, I just had a big chunk of hair that stood straight out. It wouldn't obey me in any way this morning. My desire to be done struggling with my hair was too great, and I just chopped off the part that was sticking out. It will never stick out again!!!! HA! ....We'll see tomorrow morning after I've showered again if that was a good decision or not...
Today, I got to teach a Sunday School lesson. I love teaching. I just can't help but do it in almost every situation I am in. I have an insatiable drive to teach everyone anything I know that they may not know. In return, they usually teach me something they know that I don't know! I just can't imagine how anyone can come across a new little nugget of knowledge and not want to make sure that everyone else knows it too. I just love it when people know stuff! So today, I was able to teach on the subject "What role does agency have in learning the gospel?" I spent most of the lesson correcting two vital misnomers in the Church that I really wish didn't exist...because they set askew our beliefs about agency (the ability to choose). I wish to share my thoughts on the subject with you, if that's alright.
In the book of Moses, we read: "And I, the Lord God, spake unto Moses, saying: That Satan, whom thou hast commanded in the name of mine Only Begotten, is the same which was from the beginning, and he came before me saying--Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor. But, behold, my Beloved Son, which was my Beloved and Chosen from the beginning, said unto me--Father, thy will be done, and the glory by thine forever. Wherefore, because that Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down. And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto my voice."
So, in this war in heaven against Heavenly Father's plan and Lucifer's plan, there were two options given us. We were able to choose. Lucifer, and those who chose his plan, were cast out because he sought to destroy the agency of man. Now, ask any child (and nearly any adult) in the Church, and they will describe to you that Satan wanted us to come to earth, and that he would force us to do what was right so we could all go back to the Celestial Kingdom to be united with our Father once more.
WRONG.
So, I had two volunteers come up, and gave them each a large stack of books. I set two books fairly far apart from each other, and asked them each to make an archway out of the books by stacking each one of them face up atop of each other. For the boy, I told him that as he was using his agency to choose to attempt at making this archway, that I had a rule that if he ever messed up, I would slap him on the back of the hand. As I held my hand steadily over his hands, he sweat all over the place trying to put it together, but impressively, he never made a mistake, so I didn't have to slap him. I told the girl that, for her, I was eliminating all consequences of agency, and that she just needed to make the archway as fast as possible, without worrying about being slapped if she made a mistake. Each time she was about to finish her archway, however, I knocked half of it down so she'd have to try again. She was mad! ;) It was quite fun.
This was to illustrate to them that consequences are not just bad things. All good things that come of agency are consequences as well. Since I had eliminated all consequences of agency for her, I had eliminated the ability for her to enjoy a finish project after deciding to make the archway. THIS, in fact, was Satan's plan.
You see, we, as children of the Almighty God, have a great power within us. That power is the ability to choose something and then have it. Satan never could have dreamed of having the power to force us to do what was right. There was just no possibility. Rather, to destroy our agency, his blanket statement that "surely [he would] do it" was stating that when we came down to earth, it didn't matter WHAT we did, we would go back to the Celestial Kingdom in the end. You see, without consequences existing for any action, agency becomes meaningless. This is why God must be a just God. It's the only way our agency would mean anything!
We see this pattern of Satan trying to eliminate consequences even in the very next verses: "And now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which I, the Lord God, had made. And Satan put it into the heart of the serpent, (for he had drawn away many after him,) and he sought also to beguile Eve, for he knew not the mind of God, wherefore he sought to destroy the world. And he said unto the woman: Yea, hath God said--Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? (And he spake by the mouth of the serpent.) And the woman said unto the serpent: We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden. But of the fruit of the tree which thou beholdest in the midst of the garden, God hath said--Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the serpent said unto the woman: Ye shall not surely die."
Satan tried to convince her there would be no consequences (at least bad ones) for partaking of the forbidden fruit. But, we learn from Moses 4:11-13, 28 that there were not only bad consequences for this action, but there were great consequences from this as well. As we can see, choice is what allows consequences to come into our lives, which mean that we learn and we are changed. This must mean that we can never learn anything by doing nothing.
In Ether 12:6, we are told one of the vital things that must happen to us in order for us to gain more knowledge: "And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."
It is apparent that when deep trials come upon us, we are given a great opportunity to move past disappointment and find a significant growth in faith and knowledge.
But there is another meaning to a "trial of faith." I think too many times we think of this phrase as something where we are acted upon. But what about acting? You have much greater power to cultivate faith in yourself than anyone else does trying to cultivate it in you. You can instigate a trial of faith...you just test your faith! Find a scripture, a phrase, a suggestion from a leader...take something you've learned in the setting of the Church or the Gospel, and put it to the test! As you create your own trials of faith every day, you will receive witnesses every day (and you may be able to avoid otherwise necessary trials of faith to be conflicted upon you...).
As it says in 2 Nephi, "And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he ma redeem the children of man from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon."
I know that if it had not been for Jesus Christ, our agency would have been destroyed. Because of the fall of Adam and Eve, we were all doomed to fall, to become corrupted, and live as devils...no matter whether we chose to do good or evil things. We could have reaped no consequences of our behavior; there was no choice but to die physically and spiritually. But, because of His Atonement, our agency has not been destroyed. Because of Him, we can choose anything we want, and have them in the end.
I hope you know that there is nothing you can't do. Truly. Doctrinally, this is true. Search your life, and figure out what you want most. Then, know that you will have it.
After sleeping for a total of like 30 minutes last night, I went to a mini-retreat with Latter-day Voices, then I went to a leadership training meeting that lasted 3 hours, then I made preparations for my sister's party by popping a million bags of popcorn and getting 22 drinks (it's confusing when I am overly dramatic on one figure and then specific on the other, isn't it?), before watching Harry Potter into the night while chatting it up with the 15 people that came to watch Voldemort die. Oh. I'm not really familiar with blog privacy yet...should he have been named?
It's funny the way your brain deteriorates when you haven't had any sleep. I am sure you can relate. Like, when you start getting whiplash from how fast and how often you are moving your head just because you are so easily distracted by everything around you....hmmm....what else....
You sing everything you say until you just start singing nonsense, and then you forget you're singing, and then when you realize that you're singing, you get distressed because you don't know the words.
Flipping from excited to sad to nervous to angry is instantaneous and frequent. While it is all very genuine, there's always this second consciousness of yourself waaaay back there in your mind that is just watching everything and saying "WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING TO ME??"
When you discover you have an object in your hand, the very first impulse is always to throw it, no matter what it is.
You think your own jokes are extremely funny.
You hide things in weird places like inside the boot you're wearing, then forget where you put it, and have everyone you can find search for it in a panic for an hour before you remember that you had it all along.
You suddenly have no qualms with picture vandalizing any and all others' phones within your reach.
You trip over things that aren't there. They were a second ago... because you can remember seeing something...but it's not there anymore. Why does no one believe you??
There are only two options when you are asked to do something: (1) If it is practical or necessary, you only return their query with a death glare in hopes to melt them. (2) If it is ridiculous or a figure of speech, it suddenly seems like the only thing you should be doing right now. So you do it.
Who knows what you're eating....and who cares.
When something happens before your eyes that doesn't make sense, the first instinct is to grab your head and scream.
As the day wears on, it seems that everyone has suddenly learned to speak in a different language. You don't understand a word, but you humor them by smiling wide-eyed and nodding.
Whenever you close your eyes, reality around you becomes inseparably connected with the random jumble of phantasmagoria rushing through your head, and when you open your eyes again, it is impossible for you to tell what really happened and what didn't.
Such has been my day. *hiccup*
I must leave you now. My eyes have begun the involuntary ultra-slow blink that makes it very difficult to see the screen. Take my advice...sleep every night. Okay?
While I've read all the grammar rules and why they decided that it was the proper way...I have never liked the way we wish for things! Have you noticed? When you really want to fly, you say "I wish I could fly." ...But that's not what I wish. I don't wish that sometime in the past I could fly. I wish to be able to fly now. If some genie was granting my wish and I said "I wish I had a million dollars." He could totally just put an even in my past in which I had a million dollars, but gave it all to charity. No. I don't wish I could fly. I wish I can fly. I think that wishes should be present tense. I wish I have more ice cream. I wish it is sunny. I wish I can read your mind. It sounds silly, but it makes much more sense if you think about it.
You know what can really cheer anyone up when they're down? Disney movies. The classics. I think growing up on Disney movies is the source of like 76% of what we wish for in life anyway. There's just something so good about them! Well, we decided to have an all-night long Disney movie marathon tonight. ...Sadly...because we left to go get tons of snacks, then a little later we left to go get more Disney movies (it's surprising how few are in supply in any given home on DVD), and we also did some dress up...we only ended up having time for three movies. But we went the whole night into the next morning!! First, we painted our noses black, then we took some yarn, tied black socks on the ends, and put it on our our heads. We were ready for A Goofy Movie!! This movie is my personal favorite of classic Disney. I was actually quite surprised at how often I squirmed in my seat and yelled about how much I loved the movie, and quoted along with it and sang all the songs. I'm not usually extremely interactive with movies or television as I watch them...but I totally lived the dream along with Max today. Now I just need to find a Roxanne to stalk.
Next (after making a great vat of radioactive Chili-Cheese-Queso Dip...yes I know it is a redundant name, and not even accurate because there is more chili than cheese, but it is what it is...recipe below), we smudged some blue and white make up onto our faces in a rather ashy manner, accented it with purple face-bone lines, and we were GARGOYLES!! That was the first time I had ever watched The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It was brilliant. I laughed, I cried....Okay, I didn't really cry...the chip dip clogged my emotions. But I loved it. If someone made a human version of that movie like they did Les Mis....it would be epic.
Not having enough drive (by now it was after three in the morning) to wash our faces, we just got a bunch of fake leaves and stuck them in our hair. Marissa and I were the last ones standing at this point. The leaves didn't really have anywhere to go in my hair...so they all fell out as the movie progressed, but after I sufficiently tangled--and cleverly hid--many leaves in her hair, we were suited up for TARZAN! We might have gone all out in dressing up for this movie, as it doesn't take very many resources, but I wasn't very comfortable with the costuming, so we resorted to the leaves.
And now that the night is over, I have a whole day of retreats and leadership trainings to go to before we throw a Harry Potter marathon party...so I'm going to be going without sleep for a while. Tomorrow's blog post should be interesting....
Monosodium Glutamate (More commonly known as MSG...for all of you out there who are freaking out because you've believed the myths that MSG is some dangerous thing you have to look out for, be quiet and read this.)
Garlic Powder
Chili Powder
Ranch Seasoning
Ground Mustard (or the condiment from a bottle)
Lime Juice
Enchilada Seasoning
Dump the chili and the cheese together in a bowl. Be careful not to using a white mixing utensil, as it may stain. Be sure the bowl is glass or a really heavy-duty plastic, or it may eat away at the bowl and ruin the inside lining (makes you excited to eat this stuff, doesn't it?). While mixing, pour in the spices. While you may leave out any of these spices if so desired, it tastes best with all of them. Pour in a lot of garlic powder, a lot of chili powder, a lot of MSG, some ranch seasoning, a little ground mustard, some enchilada seasoning, and a splash of lime juice. Once thoroughly mixed, cover it with plastic wrap (or it will maim your microwave) and heat it for 4 1/2 minutes. Take it out, stir it again, cover it, and heat it once more for another 3 1/2 minutes.
