So, part of my job is to monitor students in distance sites during broadcast classes to make sure they can hear and see their professors. It is very enjoyable to watch what they do to entertain/distract themselves as they sit in a room all alone listening to a teacher on a screen. Right now, I'm sitting here watching a girl take really disgusting close up pictures of the inside of her mouth and sending them to people. I wonder how often they realize that I can see what they're doing...
My brother told me that my life would make a really good television series, and then he gave me the assignment to figure out what kind of series it would be, who the main characters would be, and what kind of plots would be common in each episode. After much thought (meaning I'm about to just type whatever comes to my mind), I am going to complete the assignment tonight.
Series Title: Live It Up
General Setting: Rodd living just off of a college campus with several roommates. All his classes have nothing to do with each other and have ridiculous caricatures for professors. Most common filming locations are on campus, out on the town, Rodd's family's house, and occasionally his apartment.
Motif: I feel there would be two standing motifs throughout the series: (1) Rodd discovers some kind of problem in the school/community/world, and decides to fix it with some outlandish idea. This usually includes doing something potentially embarrassing and more complicated than necessary. It also necessitates some kind of spying or infiltration of a flawed system, and disguising himself or his friends in order to get needed information before making the world a better place. (2) Rodd taking ideas that everyone talks about but no one ever does, and doing them with a group of friends. It often ends up getting them really messy or beat up, but very happy. A unique filming technique is Rodd having some kind of crazy vision/dream near the beginning of the episode, and then seeing it come to pass (but not generally in the way the audience expected) by the end.
Meet the Cast:
Rodd: The main guy. Spends most of his time finding out whatever he can about others and then finding ways to make their impossible dreams come true. He's a little haphazard in his approach to life, but still fairly level-headed and ready to take on the world. Perhaps too ambitious for his own good, he lives a life of excitement and fulfillment. Generally thrilled about life, no matter what is going on.
Duke: Rodd's best friend who is always there for every mishap, climax, and victory. Rodd and Duke make that dynamic duo, where each of them alone lives a brilliant life, but it is when they come together that you know to expect something epic. By coincidence, they end up running into each other all the time in the most obscure places, usually trying to accomplish the same thing. As the series moves on, they practically are one mind in two bodies, pulling off shenanigans that make everyone else do double-takes, without even talking about it. They make the classic "Gus and Shawn" team as known from the series 'Psych.' Every once in a while, Rodd mistakes some miscommunication as a sign that Duke is in grave danger, and ultimately finds himself stuck in a dumpster or clinging to the outside of a speeding vehicle or starting fundraisers for curing rare diseases in his attempts to save his friend, only to find out that there was never actually anything wrong.
Addison: Rodd's ex-girlfriend. Addison and Rodd get together all the time to give each other dating advice. There are many situations in which they need to take on the role of a couple for some project, and they pull it off so naturally, most people in the series wonder if they are still dating. With each episode as they sit down and laugh as they make references to things they've done, you slowly begin to realize that they probably have the most exotic and confusing past you've ever known. Reminiscent of Ned and Moze from 'Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.' Throughout the series, it gets dramatic as even Addison and Rodd question whether or not they have been dating all this time without knowing it. Addison is Rodd's master planner. When he and she get together and plan something, they end up pulling off some three-day event that successfully leaves everyone's heads spinning. Addison is the one that participates in most of the disguises with Rodd, ranging from six-year-olds to old fogies to zombies to sci-fi characters. They can do it all.
Clarissa: Clarissa knows people. She is the expert in social networking and getting into that place that you usually need a badge to be admitted into. Another of Rodd's best friends, Clarissa is always trying to get Rodd and Addison to get back together because she thinks they are perfect for each other. They have a very "Doctor and Amy" kind of relationship from 'Doctor Who.' She's that friend that the others love so much, almost half the stuff they do is usually dedicated to Clarissa to show her how cool they think she is. She is the humorous friend who usually gets dragged into the craziest of situations, dreading the outcome (usually with good reason) and then ends up being the one who enjoyed it the most. She's the one that most viewers get most attached to throughout the series' run.
Shelby: Rodd's sister. She's that character that is usually heading up to go on an adventure with Rodd and friends, but ends up falling down a manhole or being mistaken for a lost gypsie leader's daughter and being kidnapped or getting lost down a dark alley inhabited by forgotten carnies, and never shows up. They are a very "Ron and Ginny" kind of siblingship, from 'Harry Potter.' There are always snippets of film throughout the episode showing just how ridiculous her unprecedented misfortune is this time, and clever things she does to get out of it just in time. This usually contributes in some ambiguous way to the success of the others in a way that no one ever understands or realizes.
Drake, Cam, and Brad-um: Rodd's roommates. The end of every episode shows Rodd arriving home late that night, all in disarray. Drake, Cam, and Brad-um look up in expected disbelief, and ask what in the world happened. Rodd usually just shrugs as there is no way to explain. Sometimes, there is also foreshadowing for the next episode when Drake asks Rodd what the strange package is that just arrived for him.
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Wow. The more I think about this series, (1) the more I want it to actually exist on film, and (2) the more I realize how it scarily resembles the old Disney series, "That's So Raven."
I've been thinking a lot about my spiritual growth and the changes in my character due to the influence of my faith in Jesus Christ. I am a "Mormon," and am so grateful for it. I have especially been pondering the progress that I have made, and the steps that I can take to be sure that I don't lose the lifestyle that gives me the great spiritual power I desire. Because of this, I have put together an article addressed to recently returned missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I gathered all opinions and advice from 40 returned missionaries who had returned from their missions anywhere between 1 and 24 months ago. These are the experiences and advice that they, as a collective, wished they had known (or stuck to) when they got home. Enjoy.
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You’ve heard and read all the advice your priesthood leaders
will give you about returning home from a mission…here, we give you OUR experiences and advice, having just left missions ourselves.
The perpetually faster winding down of the clock. The last farewell to the ward members. The exit interview with the mission
president. The anxious night of little
sleep. The packed bags. Seeing your home from the airplane
window. The long-awaited embraces. The stake president. The last click of the tag. This whirlwind of emotions comes blazing
through so quickly, you’ve scarcely blinked before it is over, and you find
yourself alone, with no companion around…just you.
You’ve heard it over and over, but you will understand more
with time how much your full-time mission was an essential beginning to your
full-life mission. Well done, you’ve
just had the training wheels taken off your bike. Now you will be expected to ride on two
wheels alone. It’s important to
recognize that this new stage of life is a higher order of living, rather than
the lower order it will seem to be.
Heavenly Father trusts you now to know what you know and to live it even
with homework and occupations and relationships and bills on your mind as
well. It is a challenge worthy of study
and preparation.
Without training wheels, you are sure to biff it on the
pavement a couple times. We beg of you,
do not get discouraged when you suddenly find yourself not living the standards
you expect of yourself. It may
happen. Just pick yourself up and try
again. It takes practice. It’s like when you got on your mission, and
every time you and your companion were leaving, you’d just hop in the car, once
again oblivious for a moment that you need to stand outside the car and help to
back it up. You beat yourself up for it
every time! For three weeks you groaned
as your companion reminded you again and again.
But there’s nothing wrong with that.
You figured it out, and are so good at it now, it will feel very strange
to get in a car, alone, and back it with no one around. It just becomes natural. Don’t give up on yourself too soon because of
stupid mistakes. We all make them.
You may find that after a while, your mission will almost
disappear. Your friends will get tired
of “when I was on my mission…” and it will soon seem as if you had never been
gone. This is important. You should take some time and write down your
thoughts you have as you’ve returned home from your mission. And as memories come to mind, write those
down as well; sometimes our journals will fail us in telling our favorite
stories. But this “disappearing” of your
mission is an opportunity God will give you to make new spiritual memories and
developments. You will find yourself
damned if you consistently reach back to your mission days to share a spiritual
experience with a friend. Live in such a
way that you can also begin with “Just last week I was talking…” or “Yesterday
when I reading…” This is an excellent
way to gauge your progress in spiritual growth.
Don’t be afraid, you are not leaving your mission behind…you are
building the rest of your life upon that foundation. Just because you cannot always see the
foundation does not mean it is not integral to the structure.
Here are a few tips that we have found as we’ve ridden the
roller coaster of returned missionary life for the past months. We hope that they will help you as you learn
from our mistakes (as everything we alert you to, we do because some of us have
made some kind of mistake that helped us realize that it was very important):
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Spirituality
You may have heard many returned missionaries in your family
or in the ward where you served tell you that it was devastating when they got
home, because they lost so many of their spiritual gifts. “All those memorized scriptures…within two
days I started forgetting them!” or “I couldn’t just look at people and know
what they needed anymore,” or “All that power was gone…I was just a normal
person again!”
Don’t listen to any of these people. It is only your decision to be mediocre that
will cause this to happen to you. We ask
you: what would be the point for
Heavenly Father to send you out on a mission, to gain spiritual power,
knowledge, and gifts, just to send you home and take it all away? There would be no point. He wants you to keep the gifts He gives you. Please don’t throw them away as people may
subtly encourage you to do. You’ve
learned the formula for great spiritual power:
more than three kneeling prayers a day, a period of time each day to
really delve into the scriptures and pick them for treasure, actively looking
for ways to serve in every day-to-day activity, spiritually creating your day
before it is physically created, keeping your room and house clean…leaving
these things behind are what will zap you of your gifts.
Elder L. Tom Perry said, “If the world has diverted us from
the practice of prayer, we then have lost a great spiritual power. Maybe it is
time that we rekindle our missionary spirit through more frequent, consistent,
and mighty prayer.” Of the study of the
Gospel, he asked, “as we return home, how great it would be to hold daily
family scripture study. If we leave home, couldn’t we invite roommates and
friends to study with us? The practice of holding regular study classes would
help keep the doctrines of the kingdom clear in our minds and offset the
persistent intrusion of worldly concerns. Of course, when we marry, we have
eternal companions with whom we can study and share gospel teachings. The
scriptures are always there to deepen our understanding of the purpose of life
and what we need to do to make life more fulfilling and rewarding. Please keep
alive the practice of regular individual and companion scripture study.”
Remember as it says in the section heading of Doctrine &
Covenants 4, “the things of God must be sought after.” On your mission, experiencing the use of
great spiritual gifts may have seemed second nature…this is because of the
hyper-consecrated lifestyle you were living.
Now that you’ve returned home, you will become more aware of how much
you actually had to work for that Spirit.
It can be very easy to think that faith unto power will still come
naturally. Don’t. James E. Faust taught that “members of the
Church are to seek after loveliness. We do not seek a veneer painted on by a
worldly brush but the pure, innate beauty that God has planted in our souls. We
should seek after those things that endow higher thoughts and finer
impulses.” If there is anything
virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, you must seek after those
things.
We testify to you that you can continue to become more
powerful than you were on your mission.
Living the Gospel of Jesus Christ will always cause you to grow…never to
lose these things, or the Atonement is in vain.
You can gain incredible insights through the scriptures as your mission
president did. You can command
angels. You can invoke priesthood
blessings. Rather than a “missionary,”
the word has simply been changed to “disciple,” as Paul or Peter. Do not go back to your boats. Satan will try to convince you it is the only
thing left to do.
Helpful Rules:
Read the
scriptures every day for a minimum of ten minutes. It’s very possible, we promise.
Study the
scriptures every day for a minimum of twenty minutes. That’s the time equivalent of watching 5
videos on YouTube.
Say
kneeling prayers as you get up and as you go to bed, and before you study. Say prayers periodically before you get out
of your car. Continue to pray over your
meals, even at McDonalds (even with a group).
Don’t forget to pray.
Never
miss a Church meeting. Remember your
investigators? There’s rarely a good excuse.
Without ordinances (like the sacrament) your spirit will starve.
Go to the
temple regularly. Once a week if
possible. Minimally 3 times a
month. Said President LeGrand Richards,
“I want to tell you, outside of these holy temples and the sealing ordinances
therein, men cannot learn fully of his ways, nor can they walk in his paths.”
Write in
your journal each night.
Share the
Gospel every day (it doesn’t have to be with nonmembers!).
Always be
taking an LDS Institute class each semester, whether you are going to school or
not.
A strange shift you will discover as you come home is that
you will suddenly be thinking about yourself much more frequently. What career do YOU want? Time to buy YOURSELF new school clothes. What do YOU want in a spouse? Pursue YOUR dreams. What are YOUR hobbies? …You will be hit by a montage of YOU. It can be easy to forget that Heavenly Father
expects you to be actively searching for ways to help any and all people around
you. Especially with all the
technological devices there are nowadays, you will find it extremely easy to be
sucked into your own world and somehow not notice others’ needs.
The section heading for Doctrine and Covenants 4 states that
“valiant service saves the Lord’s ministers.”
Ultimately (there are so many superlatives in this Gospel…), it is by
service—the way the Lord Jesus Christ would render it—to our fellow men that we
are saved from our sins. It is in these
acts that we find the sponge of the Atonement scrubbing its deepest on our own
souls. Be aware of the people around
you, and continue to “Open Your Mouth,” and you will be able to feel that you
are truly still a missionary in the Lord’s service.
“If the world could only know how the Lord has crammed the
earth with heaven, and how every common bush is afire with God, through the
restoration of the gospel,” pondered President LeGrand Richards, "‘A
marvelous work and a wonder,’ and it is all of that, far beyond the ability of
any man or any woman to comprehend. The greatest mission of the Latter-day
Saints is to be able to understand and appreciate what the Lord has done, and
then make their lives conform thereto.”
Another reason the solidity of your life may seem to waiver
as you arrive home is due to the loss of a set-apart calling. When you are released, you will be without a
calling for a period of time. Without a
calling in the Church, it is exponentially more difficult to receive direct
assignments from God. Every week,
approach your bishop and be sure you’re getting a calling soon. Among other duties, you will receive a
Home/Visiting Teaching assignment. We
can promise you that there are few duties you will be given you that will
compare in power, authority, and revelation received to your mission than this
will. As a missionary, if you were
charged to concentrate on a certain family in the ward by the bishop, would you
have visited them only once a month?
The Lord holds you to a higher standard of service now. You may begin to forget that standard, as you
will not see a great many members of the Church who remember that standard as
you come back home. But it is those that
truly remain Returned Missionaries through the course of their life that are
called as stake presidents, Relief Society general presidents, and
Apostles. How long will you choose to be
a Returned Missionary?
Helpful Rules:
Keep a
notepad by your bed or desk where you can write down the names of those that
come to your mind as someone you can bless in some way.
Until it
becomes natural in the non-missionary setting, keep track of OYMs. These don’t have to be instigations of Gospel
conversations…they just have to be an instance of you reaching out of your
shell to say hello and get to know someone new.
Don’t let a day go by that you don’t do it!
You only
need have one sit-down Home/Visiting Teaching lesson with the families you are
entrusted with each month…but interact with them more often than that.
Magnify
your calling. Always be sure you pray to
Heavenly Father to know what that little extra is you can do that was not
outlined for you.
Always
pay tithing on all your income, and fast offerings each month.
Ponder…
1
Chronicles 29:5; Matthew 25:21; Jacob 1:19; Mosiah 2:17; Mosiah 18:29; Alma
34:28; D&C 4:2
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Identity
Congratulations, you now have two identities: The “You” everyone knew before your mission,
and the “You” you are now. You will
become very aware of this as all the people you talk to when you get home will
only know the prior. No one will call
you “Elder” or “Sister” anymore. No
matter how firm you may be in your resolves of how you will live your life as
you leave your mission, it will be extremely easy for those lines, goals, and
identifying attributes to become clouded or seem less important when you get
home. That does not mean you can’t do
it…we’re just saying you must know now to brace yourself for it. You will likely come back to find your family
and friends living certain aspects of their lifestyle that will worry you, or
you may experience things in the world in certain venues or through the media
that will offend your spirit. Write
those things down; keep them somewhere you can refer to them in times of
confusion or frustration.
There will inevitably be a couple things about you now that
those around you may not readily accept as permanent changes in your
character. This is a great
blessing. This dichotomy of identities
you have been given is a blessing from your Heavenly Father as your first task:
to prove yourself. The first question
your Heavenly Father is asking when you get home is “How much of that actually
changed you?” And this is how He
asks. And it is a charge worthy of a
disciple with such blessings as you have.
Embrace the situation and dispel all confusions: Declare to your God, your stake president,
the High Council, your family, your bishop, and to your friends who Heavenly
Father has shaped you into…it will be one of the greatest blessings in their
lives to see that in you.
Said Elder L. Tom Perry:
“Opportunities to teach the gospel and baptize are not exclusive to
those who wear the badge of a full-time missionary. I wonder why we allow the
fire of missionary service to diminish when we return to the activities of our
life in the world.” Jeffrey R. Holland
stated, “When the Lord delivers [a] person to your view, just chat—about
anything. You can’t miss. You don’t have to have a prescribed missionary
message. Your faith, your happiness, the very look on your face is enough to
quicken the honest in heart. Haven’t you ever heard a grandmother talk about
her grandchildren? That’s what I mean—minus the photographs! The gospel will
just tumble out. You won’t be able to contain yourself!”
Remember that your identity as a missionary need only change
minutely as you arrive home. Other than
gaining some other worldly duties and losing proselyting duties and some rights
to revelation for certain people, you don’t lose much else. You keep your long-term goals, you keep your
Christ-like attributes, your knowledge of the scriptures, the way you think,
your sensitivity to others’ spirits, your passions, your discipline, your
yearning for truth…you are in every way the same person through the transition
home…simply on a new assignment.
Remember that and the world will not be able to take these things away
from you (as much as it will try).
The spirit you are now contains much greater amounts of
light and truth than your spirit two years ago, and with that added Word in
your heart, subtle things will offend that spirit. Things like growing your hair out, wearing
clothing with inappropriate insignia, listening to songs with inappropriate
lyrics or swearing, watching many PG-13 movies…some of these things are not
morally wrong, but remember that your spirit operates at a different standard
now; if you break that standard, be prepared to live with the subtle
destructive consequences. Speaking of
this issue, Elder Rex D. Pinegar warned, “The counsel I would give to my
missionary, and to others who may be faced with the decision to continue or not
to continue a righteous course, is to recall the experience of Oliver Cowdery.
Oliver had begun his labors in the kingdom with a faithful and humble service. The
Lord rewarded him by giving him the gift of translation. He told Oliver of
marvelous contributions he could make toward enlightening the people if he
would continue faithfully in his efforts. Later when Oliver attempted to
translate, he failed. The Lord told Oliver it was ‘because that you did not
continue as you commenced.’ (D&C 9:5) Oliver had not continued in his
righteous efforts, and the gift was taken from him.”
President Spencer W. Kimball pleaded, “Please, you returned
missionaries … , please do not abandon in appearance or principle or habit the
great experiences of the mission field when you were like Alma and the sons of
Mosiah, as the very angels of God to the people you met and taught and
baptized. We do not expect you to wear a tie, white shirt, and a dark blue suit
every day now that you are back in school. But surely it is not too much to ask
that your good grooming be maintained, that your personal habits reflect
cleanliness and dignity and pride in the principles of the gospel you taught. We
ask you for the good of the kingdom and all those who have done and yet do take
pride in you.”
Helpful Rules:
No matter
how you are encouraged to, do not lower your standards. Despite the peer pressure, in times of need,
it will be you that people turn to for help from the priesthood power of God,
because you will have it.
Find
someone to be accountable to…your bishop, your father, an old companion…talk
with them frequently to account to them your progress in personal Standards of
Excellence.
Continue
to look the part of a missionary at all times.
Men, show those around you that you respect the office of Elder to which
you will be called for perhaps the next several decades.
Don’t
quench your thirst for knowledge. Get as
much education as possible.
Ponder on
your patriarchal blessing frequently.
Ponder…
Colossians
2:5; Job 27:5; 2 Peter 3:17; James 1:12; Alma 17:1-3; 3 Nephi 5:13; D&C
101:35; JS-H 1:25
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Media
Many of us found that the first thing we were overwhelmed
with was being surrounded by media devices:
iPods, phones, laptops, televisions, radios, headphones, movies,
YouTube, facebook…it is rampant. And
everyone you know will have two full years’ worth of that media they want to
share with you. You may find yourself
spending an awful lot of time—on YouTube and facebook especially—surfing the
web if you are not careful with the time the Lord has entrusted you with. Elder Neal A. Maxwell cautioned, “Cataclysm
[Calamities] for the people on this planet is most likely to flow from technology
created by men who cannot also tame that technology because they cannot tame
themselves by using the taming truths of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.”
There are many things in the media that you will want to
catch up with and discover from while you were “away.” We caution you here: Don’t just jump in and soak it all in at
once. This can end very badly. As you do expose yourself to all that is in
the world through television and social networks, take it gradually. Slowly introduce new materials throughout the
first few weeks, and you will be much safer.
For others of us, it was our initial reaction to shy away
from it altogether. You can miss out on
a lot of really good opportunities if you do this. Especially through social networking, it is a
true miracle all the ways we can keep in touch with people anywhere in the
world. You can be more aware of the
needs of those who live near you that you can help, and you can also keep tabs
on all the marvelous people you met on your mission. Without the miracles of modern media, it
would be so much more difficult to keep strong ties with those you are leaving
in your mission field as you jump back into “real life.” Please don’t cut yourself off from the world,
but don’t become of the world either…just be in it!
Helpful Rules:
If a
video or song has inappropriate content in it, get rid of it. These are not necessary for your eternal
progression, so they are in no way worth your quick degeneration in spiritual
matters if left unchecked.
Make sure
that duties you have (such as chores around the house, homework, callings,
etc.) are taken care of for the day before moving on to media.
Find
someone once a day that you can lift and encourage through a social networking
site. Find good ways to share the Gospel
through the internet as well.
Pornography
is out there…much more than you remember it being two years ago. Run away from it, always.
Whenever
possible, choose physical communication over virtual.
Keep the
Sabbath Day holy.
Ponder…
Exodus
20:7; John 15:19; 1 Nephi 15:24; 2 Nephi 28:31; Alma 53:20; D&C 43:16;
D&C 121:35
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Courtship and Marriage
By now you’ve probably heard several important priesthood
leaders tell you opposite things about the way you should pursue the next big
step in our lives: Marriage.
This is because all of it is right! The biggest thing for us has been to not
stress over it. Just make sure you have
your priorities straight. Marriage is
the next essential step in your life; don’t let too much time go by without
your progress in the matter. Don’t hide
from the opposite gender and opportunities to go on dates….but don’t be an
engagement-seeking maniac either. Just
live life, always keeping in the back of your mind that it needs to happen
soon. Heavenly Father will guide your steps. It is your job to simply keep options open,
continue to create opportunities and respectfully pursue eligible avenues as
they appear. President John Taylor said,
“Man is destined, if he improves his opportunities, to higher and greater
blessings and glory than are associated with this earth in its present state: …
he may stand pure, virtuous, intelligent, and honourable, as a son of God, and
seek for, and be guided and governed by his Father’s counsels.”
In order to do this successfully and in the Lord’s way, you
must have the utmost respect for the opposite gender at all times. Always be aware of their needs and
feelings…never do anything that would hurt them or break their trust in you. And never put yourself in a situation where
the higher laws of chastity could be broken or even appear to be broken.
“May we as individuals have the determination, the courage,
the ability to stand up and do those things which we know are right, realizing
that we are the spirit children of God, with the potential to make it possible
to be like him if we will follow his teachings and keep his commandments,”
taught President N. Eldon Tanner, “And while we are doing it we will be
happier, more successful, more respected and loved than if we were doing
anything else, because this is the work of the Lord. We do not like to deal with people on whom we
cannot depend. I sometimes wonder how the Lord feels about us when we make our
covenants with him and fail to keep them.”
And remember, there’s not just one out there that is the
only right choice for you. The life is a
brilliant workshop in agency, and there are always many ways to make the right
choice. Whoever you choose is the right
choice. This is an eternal decision…they
will have always been your soul mate because you chose them in this life, not
the other way around.
Helpful Rules:
You know
how to make an investigator pool. Do it.
Looking
for dates, this is perhaps the most nerve-wracking form of OYM. But the scariest OYMs often resulted in the
greatest blessings, did they not?
Never be
alone with a single member of the opposite gender in a building or
apartment. Respect them enough to make
sure there are other people in the vicinity.
Pray
before a date that you will know whether Heavenly Father approves of you
pursuing that course as the date moves forward.
Take good
care of your body; strive to understand the Word of Wisdom more fully.
Listen to
your mother. She’s right more often than
you think.
Coming home from a mission is tough. We know, we just did it. We’ve experienced a lot of homesickness for
the mission, frustration at personal failure, uncertainty of the future,
disgust at the world, stress from being misunderstood, and solitude in our
trials. But more than anything else, we
would wish you to remember that you just spent two years giving more than
seventy hours a week proselyting and teaching, and paying your own money to do
it…have faith that the Lord is going to bless you for it. Heavenly Father is proud of His returned
missionaries and is looking forward to blessing them, especially as they prayerfully
seek to adjust to “the rest of their lives.”
You are in good hands.
We testify that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of
improvement and of increasing happiness.
We know that if you are consistently living that Gospel of exercising
faith, repenting, making covenants, and receiving the Holy Ghost over and over
again, that you will never find yourself wishing you could go back. It is impossible. Wherever you are in your life will always be
the very best time in your life. You
will look back with an eye of gratitude rather than regret. We can promise you that “Here” and “Now” can
always be the very best places to be, if you will trust Him.
We love you very much and consider you our brothers and
sisters. You belong to a huge family
now, one of millions of returned missionaries seeking to establish the cause of
Christ upon this land. Stand with us,
and we will stand by you.
We offer all this to you humbly in the name of our Savior,
Jesus Christ. Amen.
-Returned Elders and Sisters of The Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-day Saints
I was perusing my facebook profile today, looking at things that I had done on other October 21sts throughout my life. Let me tell you, if you ever want to shake your head at yourself, look at your facebook posts three years ago. It's amazing how much we change in such short periods of time. Really, most any one of you would look at what you did three years ago and call yourself silly. Not because you were, but because you are simply better now. Isn't that so cool?!
But that's not what I'm talking about. I came across a post from exactly 4 years ago, where I admitted to pretending to text during an awkward situation that I didn't know how to handle. This got me to thinking about all the different ways that people tend to react to those moments in time where you really don't understand how something happened, or how you feel about it.
Just think about some of those moments...where you're with a group of about eight to ten people, and all of a sudden the person you're secretly talking about walks in. Or when someone starts bragging about how great they did at something....and no one agrees. Or someone that definitely can't be allowed to come with you in a certain situation suggests they will tag along. Or you realize you've forgotten the one thing that was going to make this get-together cool. Or your friend whispers a secret about someone else in the room that shocks you...in a moment you need to be silent. There are all sorts of scenarios that cause people in the room to not know what in the world to do. I suggest there are seven major ways that our panicking bodies and brains react to such situations.
The Hero
None of the following reactions have time to surface if the Hero is in the room. The Hero is the Superman of awkward situations. Most people don't understand how the Hero can just jump into the middle of the situation and make everyone laugh and change subjects smoothly and effortlessly. When someone starts crying uncontrollably because they're so stressed, the Hero is suddenly on the other side of the room, yelling about the latest popular movie in theaters. When no one will admit that they are at fault in a hostile situation, the Hero takes the blame, and then gets up and does a jig to celebrate the victory. The Hero stands out so others can hide. If only we all could be Heroes.
The Babbler
One of the first people you'll notice in an intensely awkward situation is the Babbler. The Babbler's mouth just starts moving, changing subjects about as fast as the clock ticks. Often, each person in the room will take turns listening to all the things the panicking Babbler has to say, as the Babbler's eyes get wider and wider as they realize what's going on, but seem to have an inability to stop it. When the Babbler becomes sufficiently self-aware, their best efforts to stop talking generally just result in faster and faster speech until no one understands them. There has not been a way discovered yet that can effectively calm down the Babbler until they have run their course.
The Ill
Some people, when confronted with socially awkward situations, just turn a ghostly shade of white and sit/stand their, frozen, motionless. Whether they are actually in a position now to readily throw up on command, we are not sure, but they sure are convincing. On occasion, the Ill might rock back and forth ever so slightly. The Ill's eyes are the largest of any of the others. Do not touch the Ill, or even move to swiftly if you are close to them. If you find that you have an Ill in the room during a particularly awkward moment, it is wise to quickly resolve that tense feeling before you regret it.
The Flirt
The Flirt's insecurity during awkward situations is manifest by overconfidence in their appeal to the others in the room. When the Flirt is not sure what to do, they commence rapid eyebrow movements and find themselves getting closer and closer to the source of the awkwardness. If you look closely, they have a hint of "WHAT AM I DOING?" in their eyes as they steadily approach the cause of their abnormal behavior. The Flirt is good at what they do, and while they themselves may see this strange reaction as a bizarre fault, it sure reaps its benefits in a great array of suitors.
The Funnybone
The Funnybone comes from the perfect mixture of the Babbler and the Ill...resulting in uncontrollable laughter. Obnoxious laughter. All of a sudden, all that is awkward in the world becomes the greatest joke they have heard for years, and they can hardly get a word out to explain themselves through their guffaws. This reaction always comes unexpectedly to the Funnybone, but turns out to be one of the most handy in diffusing the awkward pressure of the situation. However, we find that even after the awkwardness has subsided, the Funnybone still can't seem to stop. If they can't get themselves under control, it may even bring the awkward moment to an awful reawakening by not being able to drop the subject. If you are friends with the Funnybone, bring snacks or something around with you, so you can quickly calm them once their laughter has done its duty.
The Transcendent
Some have the socially acrobatic skill of suddenly becoming completely oblivious to all that is around them. When a subject is brought up in conversation that they don't like, they suddenly have been distracted by the bird outside for the past three minutes. When their ex gets on the bus, their cell phone appears out of nowhere, with which they find themselves engrossed in a very important texting conversation. They find things to put on their head or find in their pocket with mysterious style. Naivete is their greatest weapon.
The Apparater
Lastly, there are some people that seem to have the ability to literally apparate when awkwardness fills the room. Before most people have even noticed, they are out the door and in the next hallway. They are able to become instantaneously late for anything, and bolt before anyone has a chance to say a word. Some have even become so talented in this awkwardness-defense-mechanism that when they disappear before your eyes, the other people in the room seem almost to forget the Apparater was even there at all. To save face, they practically blink out of existence! It's very impressive.
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Why our bodies fire up unexplained emotions and actions in awkward moments, we may never fully understand. But to recognize the common symptoms of awkwardness can help you understand what is going on when other people suddenly start acting strange.
And I have a dare for you.
Next time you find yourself in any of these moments of ultimate (or even subtle) awkwardness, simply say the word "awkward." It works miracles, I promise. It is like the forbidden key to the box of taboo mystery.
That's all you have to do. Join with me, and we will eradicate awkwardness from the world. Together!
Okay, before I begin, I must address my song choice. For all you nineties kids out there, I'm sure you recognize it as the theme to the popular children's show, "Arthur." This means that it is near and dear to your heart, and you don't know why you can sing it word for word, but you can. I must inform you: THIS SONG WAS SUNG BY BOB MARLEY'S SON. That's cool, and changed my life. That's all.
Today, I wish to speak to slash relate with any of you out there that sometimes just feel distant from everyone around you. Not that you're constantly depressed or anything (though you might be), just that in all the fun and conversations you have with people, you almost feel like you're in limbo...alone in a crowded room. This is for you.
FIRST, to bring you up to speed on me (you can skip down to the long dashed line if you don't need this preface): All growing up, I was that kid in the corner that no one knew. I didn't stand out, I didn't make friends, I sat in the back and did my homework. Coming into high school, I had become accepted into a large group of friends (I was in the band, and their circle of friends also included the debate kids), but I always felt like they just invited me out of pity because they knew I'd feel left out if they didn't. They were all smarter than me, more accomplished than me, I was just this quirky kid who tried to pretend like he belonged. At least that's how I felt. I never really had a reason (well, besides my wonderful mother, but as a kid, who believes the nice things their mothers say? Mothers are supposed to say those things...) to believe in myself. I wasn't outgoing, I was never that awesome athlete or the popular kid or the president of a club... The only thing I really felt like I had to offer anyone was help with school (I was always good at math), but that doesn't get you friends, that gets you people who use you.
My junior year, one of the most popular, outgoing, talented people in the school started treating me like I was the same. He invited me to come do absolutely ridiculous things...messy things, public things...I was always so nervous when he told me he had a new project he needed help with... it usually involved me going WAY out of my comfort zone. And yet, even though I could never be as "cool" as him, he continued to just take me along and be my friend. Because of him, I found myself doing UNHEARD of things, like running for student body president and getting lead parts in the school's plays and musicals. I was still this shy little boy...but suddenly everybody knew my name!
Which brings me to today. Still a shy, insecure little boy wondering why people think I've got things figured out...
People tell me I'm great. They tell me I'm talented, I'm funny, I'm so creative... And I know you get similar compliments. It might be hard to remember, because you just shrug them over your shoulder like I do, but you get them. The problem is, we live in such a congenial world, it's easy to just assume that those people are just saying that, even though I know it's not really true...
If you're like me, you might find it hard to believe that people really enjoy being around you simply because you are you. We all crave that feeling that someone loves us simply for our presence, and not for the things that we might have/be expected to offer. I go through this every time I meet someone new who actually will spend some quality time with me more than twice, seemingly voluntarily. I've recently made a new friend simply because our schedules match up almost exactly this semester. Now it would be easy for him to go off and do other things or talk with other people, but he doesn't. He talks to me. It may seem silly to some, but not to you, when I say that it almost makes me mad!! I come away from it thinking "Why don't you just stop pretending I'm so interesting already? Sure, we've made friends, that's nice. But you don't need to keep talking to me out of necessity. I'm okay with being alone. Just go do what you enjoy, I like you too much to allow you to waste your time on me!" I really enjoy being with my friends, but I always assume that they'd rather be somewhere else, and that this is just a service to me.
Now, hopefully you don't hate yourself. I don't hate me. I really love me, actually. I consistently make myself proud by the strides that I make and the good things that I do. But I also am aware of enough of my insecurities, infirmities, and inabilities, that I just lie in wait for people to realize that I'm not as good as they think I am.
STOP. STOP THINKING THESE THINGS. Let me tell you something.
I am only willing to post these kinds of feelings publicly because I know that more of you than I might even expect also have these feelings. You might be considered one of the most popular in the class, or maybe you still are that shy kid in the back of the corner. It doesn't matter. Most of us will go through these thought processes at some point.
So turn around. Look at your friend. Can you imagine them thinking all those things? What if they think that YOU are only spending time with THEM because you want to serve them. Because you pity them. Because you feel like you have to. Is this true? Of course not! You spend time with them because you value their intrinsic worth and their brilliant mind and their passionate soul! You are aware of the stupid things they do, and even some of the things they try to hide. That doesn't bother you. You love them all the same!
They feel that way about you, too. And they're compliments are true. Think about it. When someone tell's you how impressive you are at something, your first thought is that they're "just saying that." Well last time I checked, we're not actually living in the televistic world we watch so often where anybody and everybody are spies with ulterior motives seeking to deceive you and ruin your life. It's just not that way.
Pride can get the best of all of us. I know it does me. It causes me to believe that I am somehow lower or separated from everyone else. But I am not. We are all the same. And your friends are real. So believe them. Their presence has served you well.
I saw a shirt today that reminded me of an atrocious tradition in today's society that is swiftly approaching us:
*Shudders*
"Mustache November," or in some cases, "No-Shave November." This is a craze that is sweeping the nation, usually in the name of men's health research (though, who do you know that grew a mustache in November who raised any money for or contributed any money to any institution studying men's health? No one. Correct). We understand that this must be largely due to the fact that there is a social safety in doing something as a public that one would never do alone. I feel it is my obligation as one who has not yet been tainted by this hypnotic suggestion (have you SEEN the amount of mustaches on notebooks, wallets, bandanas, posters, flyers, and shirts?? Someone is manipulating us...) to convince any that are willing to listen of the folly that is the mustache.
First, the mustache has quickly become the source of a whole slew of really terrible puns. Puns that keep getting used over and over, even though we have all heard them. All you can really get out of saying "I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later," is a half-hearted chuckle, if you're speaking to someone kind. I just want you to think for a moment as you stare at these puns. Do you actually find them funny? Are you laughing right now? If so, are you ashamed that you are laughing? And yet, how many times have you seen one of those shirts or wallets or socks and thought "Maybe I'll get one of those..." You just can't stay away! There is something alluring about the concept of a mustache that seems to cause people to throw away their common sense altogether! It's like a drug! All they want is a mustache, and they don't even know why! Statistically, the average man with a mustache touches it 760 times a day. That's a little obsessive if you ask me.
Let us explore for a moment our illustrious English dictionary. If you look up the word "mustache," one of the first definitions is "hairs or bristles growing near the mouth of an animal." If that wasn't wanton enough, "mustache" is based off of the root "mastax," which literally means "that which one chews." This makes sense, however, as I don't know that I would be able to resist reaching up for those rogue little cookie crumbs either.
Among the top words associated in people's minds with the generic word "mustache," the word "Hitler" still finds its way among the third, second, or first result in every study, as was showcased on an episode of the popular word-association game show Family Feud. This isn't to assume or label anything on those people that might enjoy sporting a mustache...this is just a fact. Those who have a mustache are going to find more social inconveniences come upon them simply because others are more likely to think of Hitler when interacting with them than they might with someone else! Really, more than anything, we're trying to protect mustached men from themselves...some people just haven't received enough education on the subject! This is a flaw in our educational system that should obviously be blamed on the government.
You never know what might be underneath a mustache. In 1967, the Beatles wore mustaches on the cover of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and enclosed cardboard versions within. Paul McCartney explained his Sgt. Pepper 'stache as a pragmatic response to a tumble from a moped in 1966. After splitting his lip and chipping his tooth on the pavement, the doctor stitching up his lip messed up and had to do it twice. Said McCartney:
"In fact, that was why I started to grow a mustache. It was pretty embarrassing, because around that time you knew your pictures would get winged off to teeny-boppery magazines like 16, and it was pretty difficult to have a new picture taken with a big fat lip. It caught on with the guys in the group...and then it became seen as a kind of revolutionary idea, that young men of our age definitely ought to grow a mustache!"
So, ladies, just know that the 'stache on your man might have alternative motives aside from simply looking cool...
Did you know a mustache can absorb 20% of its weight in liquid? Next time you see a man with an impressive mustache, ask him how many times a dog has tried to lick his mustache because it smelled like some kind of food or delicious fruit drink. Unfortunately, the mustache grows directly between the mouth and the nose, two parts of the body that are highly supplied with all types of liquid. Sporting a mustache makes a man 30% more likely to suffer from hay fever....we'll leave those fluids to your imagination.
In fact, a scientific study showed that the number of bacilli found on a woman's lips after kissing a bare-lipped man was about 160...while a woman directly after kissing a man with a mustache carried about 1600 bacilli on her lips. Bacilli is the bacteria that can cause a disease called anthrax (a disease which is most often fatal).
Originally when typing up this article, I was really excited to write a bunch of ridiculous stuff about mustaches after finding ridiculous statistics about them. I didn't expect it to become so informative and terrifying!! If I hadn't been wary of mustaches before, I sure am now.
Actually, while I am on this "Let's change the world" kick, let's start a movement!!
MOMS (Men Opposing Mustache Survival) is an organization dedicated to spreading the word about the dangers of hair on the upper-lip. If you have a friend who currently has a mustache problem, contact us at 1-45-HAIRLESS and we can help. Men every day suffer from symptoms of mustache growth, but don't care enough to shave it before it is too late. 1 woman's and 10 men's social lives suffer death every day because of this pandemic. Share this information with your friends and family, you may save generations from excruciatingly embarrassing family photos, and much more.
Today, I've discovered that you shouldn't be intimidated by having to consume chimichangas with only a spoon as a utensil. It's not as difficult as it first seems. Second thought, I'm finding more and more that the word "impossible" is very often a false adjective. Third, aren't you so glad we don't have dandruff in our armpits?? ...Actually, I guess maybe that could be a thing... Well, I don't have it, and I don't know of anyone who struggles with such a trial. To all of you out there who have armpit dandruff, I commend you for keeping that so private that I'm not even aware of the problem! You are good friends.
Well, I know that a lot of people out there are striving to find good dating ideas to be sure and impress their attractive prospective counterparts. I thought I would divulge three of the past activities that I have done for your enjoyment and information. Feel free to take all or bits of these ideas! I have had a blast these past couple weeks!! Each of these dates required exactly four couples.
DATE ONE: THE "BLIND" DATE
So I decided that it would be very exciting/enlightening to literally have a blind date, or see who on the date was best at being blind. This was especially fun when asking a girl on the date, or to invite other guys to find girls for the date...a lot of eyebrows raise when you ask, "Hey, you wanna go on a blind date with me?" It was a beautiful experience. The date was comprised of an appetizer, a dinner, and a dessert scattered among 5 competitions to see which couple worked together best without the privilege of sight.
Appetizer: Any time that we sat down to eat, we had three couples blindfolded, and one couple (a different couple each time) not blindfolded, to be sure that no one did anything too stupid or hurt themselves or run into others or spill things in too violent of a manner. Our appetizer was a Family-Size pack of Double-Stuf Oreos. There was placed in the middle of the table a half-gallon of milk, and 3/4 of the Oreos were scattered all over the table (1/4 of the Oreos were in a bowl for the not-blindfolded couple to enjoy). There were small little bowls in front of each chair, ready to be filled with milk. Each blind person was to fill their bowl with milk, find Oreos, and dip them in that milk before eating them. We couldn't move on until all Oreos had been eaten. The not-blind couple were not allowed to touch any of the scattered Oreos. It was great fun...and my date spilled milk everywhere!
Joint Artists: For almost every competition, two couples competed against each other, then the other two competed, then the two winners competed. For this first competition, each player was given a piece of paper and a pencil. Each couple was given a simple picture to draw with a couple mandatory details. The competition was to see which couple, when blind, could draw a picture that looked most like each other's. This meant that dates had to consistently communicate with each other to discuss where exactly on the paper they would draw things and how big they would be. At the end, whichever couple's pictures looked most like each other's won! It was so hard. But my date and I made a rockin' barn on a hill. The elephants were probably the most entertaining.
Across the Universe: For this competition, we went to a very large soccer field. Each player was situated on the opposite corner of the field from their date. They spun around in a circle a couple times, then a mediator in the middle yelled "GO!" Each person was then allowed to yell their date's name once, and then move toward where they think their date's voice came from. Players were not allowed to make any noise again until each 30-second mark when the mediator yelled "GO!" after which they were allowed to yell their date's name once more. Have you ever run across a field blindfolded? It's a terrifying experience.
Dinner: We headed to Wendy's for dinner. We got there and ordered our food, but we were not allowed to pick up our food without being blindfolded (except, of course, the one essential not-blind couple). All eyes were on us as we carefully made our way to our table. The nice thing was, we couldn't see anybody staring at us, which was rather freeing. You will be amazed at how good food is when you're not distracted by everything around you. That was the best burger I've had in a really long time! However, medium Frostys seem bottomless when you are blind...go for a small.
Puzzle-Master: For this competition, we had two 33-piece puzzles (although, I suggest 24-piece puzzles). We flipped a coin to determine whether the girl or the boy in the competing couple was blindfolded. Dates sat across a table from each other, the blindfolded person with the puzzle in front of them. The date that could still see had to verbally coach their date to put the puzzle together before the other couple, without touching anything. The winner tie-breaker had the other date in the couple blindfolded. I was blind during this one...puzzle pieces NEVER feel like they are going to fit together when you are blind. It surprised me every time!
King of the Slide: We then headed to a roller rink we have called the Fun Park, because they have a great big soft play area with a lot of platforms to climb onto, with tubes and slides and stuff (like a glorified McDonald's PlayPlace). We flipped a coin to determine whether the girl or the boy was blindfolded and sent into the soft play. They raced, blind, and surrounded by little children running around, to get through the maze of platforms and tubes and slide down the big yellow slide at the top of the structure before the other player. The winner tie-breaker had the other date in the couple go through. This activity was SO disorienting. I kept bumping my shin on platforms, falling down unexpected drops, and going into dead-ends. At one point, I knew I was neck-and-neck with my opponent (he and I kept hitting each other, which apparently he hadn't been aware of in his frenzy), and all of a sudden, he was gone. All I could find was wall! I couldn't fathom where he could have gone. Then, a little child's voice emerged below me and asked "Are you racing him?" I affirmed. "He went this way!" All I could find was wall. "In this tube! Come on!" I followed the voices of the little angels all the way to the slide, and ended up winning. It was so fun.
D.I. Dress-Up: We have a hand-me-down store fueled by donations much like Goodwill called the D.I. here. The competing couples were blindfolded, and each player was led around by one of the not-blindfolded people so they wouldn't run into anyone or get hopelessly lost. They were given five minutes to wander the store and find one top garment, one bottom garment, one other garment of their choice, and an accessory for their date to wear. When they'd found all that, they were led to their date where they swapped clothing. They went into the dressing room (still blind), put on the clothes, came out, got their picture taken, went back in, and took them off without ever seeing them. We waited until the end of the date after dessert to look at all the pictures, reveal to each player what they had been wearing, and then vote on who had the best outfit. The outfits, and the looks from other shoppers, were absolutely priceless (actually, that's not true...my outfit would have cost $9).
Dessert: We went to my house to make ice cream sundaes...blindfolded. The sundaes were beautiful...and we had strawberry syrup everywhere. All in all, it was a very successful date. I will never take my ability to see the world around me for granted anymore. However, I may continue to eat my meals and desserts blind... the change in flavor is astounding.
The grand prize for this date was a pair of very rose-colored glasses for the guy, and a zebra hot/cold eye mask for the girl.
DATE TWO: "MAY I ASK YOUR HAND IN 'DATE-AGE'?"
This date was similar to the blind date, only rather than seeing which couple was best at being blind, we challenged each couple to see who was best at using (or not using) their hands. It made for a very exciting battle. Also...this time, our dinner actually became part of the five competitions!
Back-Hand Competition: When I told everyone we were going to have a back-hand competition, they were all a little on-edge. This was, of course, my desire. Tension dissipated when I explained to them that we were going to see who could balance the most objects on the back of their date's hand in a certain time period. We had a bunch of random objects, such as a piece of cardboard, a pencil, a tissue, a key, a banana, a quarter, an egg, a thank-you card, a spoon, etc. We flipped a coin to see whether the boy or girl held their hand out to balance the objects their date put on their hand. They had to keep their fingers together, and their thumb tucked under their hand. After a minute, whoever had more objects balancing on their hand won. If there was a tie, they had to walk around the table and try to catch up to and touch the other player without dropping anything off their hand. First player to touch the other won, or first person to drop an object lost.
The Handy-Man: If you've ever seen any of those skits where one person puts their hands through a pair of shorts and their hands into a pair of shoes, and then another person behind reaches around and puts their hands through the sleeves of a shirt, to make it look like the person in front is about two feet tall, that's what we did for this competition. The guy was in front, with the girl reaching through to be the arms and hands of the ridiculous-looking short person on the table. A plate was placed in front of them, along with peanut butter, jelly, honey, butter knives, mayo, mustard, turkey, and cheese out on the table. The girl being a blind pair of hands for the guy, had to make an adequate sandwich for him and then feed it to him. The first guy to make and eat a whole sandwich won. Filming is mandatory for this one, I kept falling over, I was laughing so hard. I was so worried I was going to bite my date's fingers off! We got mustard everywhere. The tie-breaker for the winners in this one was just another test to see how well the girls could be the guys' hands, by blindfolding the girls, giving them a bunch of tiles with letters on them, and seeing who could spell a particular word first with the coaching of their date.
Hand-in-Hand: Now the girls needed to eat. We had each competing couple face their date and hold each other's hands (with both hands). Their hands were then taped together, so they had no choice but to hold hands for the rest of the competition. Dates stood on either end of a table, and a plate of mashed potatoes was placed between them, along with a plastic spoon. The objective was for the guy to feed the girl the mashed potatoes without using their hands (because, of course, they couldn't), before the other couple finished. The guy grabbed the small end of the spoon with his mouth, then scooped the mashed potatoes and fed them to his date. Great jaw exercise, for sure. This was very fun, and excellent for pictures. As the winners' tie-breaker (because we weren't going to eat anymore...), we went to a playground and gave them a route to go through (still taped to their date in this manner) involving two dangerous bridges, small openings, two slides, and some monkey bars (that was exciting). Couple with the best time won.
Caught Red-Handed: This one was more named after hands than actually using the finesse of hand-work, but it was still a blast. Each date had been asked to bring something they could take pictures on (only now, I would suggest just finding four cameras beforehand to use that you have ability to connect to a computer). Each competitor was given a camera, and given five minutes to take pictures. The goal was to take as many pictures of the two people in the opposing couple while allowing the least amount of pictures of yourself to be taken. Each picture had to be taken at least 5 seconds apart (however, I believe 3 seconds would have been fine). At the end of the competitions, all the pictures were put up on the computer screen, and we counted how many times each person appeared in any of the pictures. The couple with the least amount of pictures taken of them won. This was a very exciting game of cat-and-mouse....there were a couple of times people accidentally took pictures of their date in an effort to catch the other couple. One person trapped an opponent in a corner and got quite a few pictures, but didn't realize they were taking pictures of themselves in the mirror as well. Another person accidentally flipped the camera around (on an iPhone) and started taking a ton of selfies before they realized what they were doing!
The Hand-Jive: I don't know how many of you have played any form of WarioWare (a Nintendo game)... but we played this for our final competition. We played it on the Wii, allowing for a great number of very random and fast activities to accomplish with their hands in a short amount of time. This is a brilliant group video game, definitely worth your investigation.
The grand prize for this date was a pair of fingerless gloves for the guy, and some strange mix between thumbless gloves and creepy puppets for the girl.
DATE THREE: THE SONIC DATE
Once again, a date set up very similarly to the others, with five competitions and a ridiculous dinner. This date was designed to see which couple was best at using (or not using) their ears!
Deaf Dinner: Before we began the competitions, I needed everyone to have a greater appreciation for and awareness of their ability to hear the world around them. So, each person was required to bring a pair of earmuffs (they didn't know why...). As we all arrived, they were given a pair of ear plugs to put in their ears. They then put the ear muffs on. We needed a place where we could be relatively loud without making anyone hate us, so we went to Buffalo Wild Wings. This was such a ridiculous social experiment. I'm sure our waiter left that night still wondering what was wrong with us. He would get blank stares from most of us, until the person closest to him yelled to all of us what he had said. I could semi-effectively carry on a conversation with my date, but I had absolutely no clue what was being talked about across the table. I have never been so aware of my chewing than I was there. It was the only thing I could hear successfully. After an hour of straining to hear the other people on the date, our ears became a God-send as we exited the building.
Tube Math: We went off to a playground, where there were scattered several colored sets of nine digits (1 through 9). Each couple was given a color of digits to search for...one set of which was found on one side of the playground, and the other on the other. The goal was for each person in the couple to figure out and create their own eight-digit number before the two in the other couple did. The trick was, after each couple was given their first digit (the only digit in a common location among their final answers), there was a clue on the back of the digit...for their date's next digit. They had to run to one end of a tube-communication system on the playground, wait for their date, read them their next clue, and then listen for theirs. I have never seen math done so frantically! This was a lot of fun.
Across the Universe: I reused this activity on the soccer field from the Blind Date, because it works great for hearing as well. This time, my date and I were both very speedy...and ended up running right past each other! When we were beat by the other couple, we took off our blindfolds only to see that she and I had almost entirely traded places!
Speech Jammer: The "Speech Jammer" is an invention that causes a person to hear their own voice on a very small (in milliseconds) delay. This so effectively confuses the person talking that they stutter and slur their words until they usually give up speaking entirely. I found an app for the iPod that replicates this invention pretty well. It is called the De-Articulator. We plugged in a pair of noise-cancelling headphones to my iPod (while normal headphones still work, noise cancelling headphones are much better), and each person was given a turn to speak a series of tasks as fast as they could without making mistakes. If they said the wrong word during any of the three tasks, they had to start that task over. The three tasks were: Recite the Pledge of Allegiance, sing 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,' and count to 30. This was by far the funniest activity we did in any of the dates. I was in pain after how much I had laughed at each person sounding completely wasted as they tried to perform these tasks. If you have an iPod, download this app and try to say each of these things as fast as you can, starting over if you mess up at all. It is far more difficult than you would think.
Hablo Chancho: For this competition, each person took their turn standing in the middle of the circle of competitors (whenever someone was in the middle, their date stepped out of the circle), blindfolded. They spun around in a circle, pointed to somebody, and then asked them to make the noise of an animal doing something ridiculous such as a parrot choking on a cracker, or a zebra falling down the stairs. After the person being pointed to makes that noise, the middle person is allowed to ask for one repetition if needed. They then guess who it was. If they are right, they are done. If they are wrong, they spin around and do it again. The couple that jointly took the least amount of guesses to get out of the middle won.
Rollick!: This is a very fun and already existing game out there in your local stores, though I'm sure you could write your own cards for it if so desired. This is basically a backwards form of charades, where (traditionally) one person sits while the rest of their team must collectively mime what is on the card to get the one to guess correctly. This is hilarious to watch and participate in. For this date, we had two competing couples sit while the other four unbiased people acted out the cards for them. The couple with the most correctly guessed cards won. We played four rounds. It was a blast.
The grand prize for this date was a mix CD of the favorite song (now) of each person on the date (along with today's top hit, which at the time was Roar by Katy Perry), and the favorite song of each person when they were in high school (along with the top hit when most of the competitors were in high school, which happened to be I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas for us). This was a very coveted CD.
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And that's it! Dates can be a blast! In fact, I believe they should be! I'll keep you posted if I think of any more fun activities; I believe everyone should have experiences like this...they're just too good to pass up!
