Good Morning!

You know that moment when you're perfectly at peace...just enjoying the moment...and then, in a flash of stark awareness, you realize that you are sleeping, when you are supposed to be somewhere very important?  Then, in a jolt of staggered incomplete movements, you stumble toward your closet, rip off whatever you had on your body, put on new things (sometimes), scramble for a mirror, touch your hair, give up on your hair, smell yourself, grab your backpack, forget something important, and slam the door behind you.  Then burst back in, because your left shoe doesn't match your right, throw one shoe off, grab the other, and fly back out the door with shoe still in hand.

Such was my morning.

I am always amazed at the marked contrast between people when they've just woken up without enough sleep.  I don't know what the psychology is behind your early-morning personality...but it sure is entertaining to observe.  People are so predictable in the morning.  It's all in the eyes.  You could write early-morning horoscopes and be surprisingly accurate!

THE PUPPY DOG

The Puppy Dog wakes up bewildered...and just doesn't really stop being confused for the next couple hours.  You wander around with the eyes of a brand new puppy...when you've opened your eyes, you are ready to take in the world, but have no clue what you're taking in.  The Puppy Dog is often spotted in the middle of a lot of activity, motionless, looking dazed and content.  Don't go near any dangerous objects like stoves or ladders or pinwheels for a while.  You are most compatible with Asian Eyes.  Steer clear from Grumpy Pants.

GRUMPY PANTS

The Grumpy Pants wakes up with long fangs and a short fuse.  You are too tired to actually get properly angry about anything, which just makes you more grumpy that you can't react appropriately to the annoying things happening around you.  You spend the first couple waking hours verbally abusing the idea of mornings or living in general.  The Grumpy Pants is often spotted in a corner, with a visible wish on their face that they were anywhere but there.  Beware that you don't permanently offend your friends by anything you might want to say while you are not yourself.  You are most compatible with Zombie.  Avoid FROS at all costs.

ASIAN EYES

The Asian Eyes is one of the most impressive and persistent of waker-uppers.  You just can't seem to get your eyes to open, no matter how hard you try.  You learn to master the art of showering and getting ready without actually seeing where you are going.  Your clothing often doesn't match when you walk out the door, but at least you can find clothes.  Some people even mistake you for still being asleep as you try to go about your business for the first two hours of the day.  The Asian Eyes can frequently be seen trying to pry their eyelids open to make sure they are where they are supposed to be.  You will make fast friends with Puppy Dog.  Even on good days, try to stay away from Bug Eyes.

BUG EYES

The Bug Eyes has just the opposite condition from Asian Eyes.  The moment you wake up, your eyelids spring open, and you can hardly seem to get yourself to blink.  All of your friends know when you've just taken a nap because you look so shocked about the world around you.  If you are a girl, it makes for a quick mascara touch-up before running out the door, but it also means that guy you like shying away from you because you look a little creeper.  It is best not to try to do anything where you'll have to be taken seriously for the first couple hours of your day.  The Bug Eyes often has a hard time properly articulating their thoughts first-thing in the morning, but are still very aware of their surroundings, nonetheless.  Prone to sensory overload.  You work well with FROS.  You often fail when attempting to work with Zombie.

FREAKING RAY OF SUNSHINE (FROS)

The Freaking Ray of Sunshine (FROS) is unnecessarily supercharged and overwhelmingly optimistic about what lies ahead the moment they leap from their beds.  You are ready for action, and convinced that you can cheer anybody else up who seems too tired to care.  You love making eggs and became a pro early on in life.  You can often be found singing and dancing to yourself as early as 5 AM.  Sometimes you get the feeling that no one really wants to be around you in the morning, but you shrug the feeling off as a simple self-conscious notion and continue to chatter to your friends about the prospects of the day.  The FROS is often found outside the main concentration of a group, talking and laughing with a new acquaintance who is slowly trying to inch away.  Hanging out with Bug Eyes always gets you pumped for the day.  Puppy Dog often effectively throws off your groove.

ZOMBIE

The Zombie is the most unpredictable of the early-morning humans, as they are capable of exhibiting strong similarities with both the Puppy Dog and the Grumpy Pants.  You are the most unresponsive of any others in the morning.  You find yourself running into walls and tables and doors while trying to get ready in the morning, and involuntarily groaning whenever exerting any effort to accomplish something.  You move slowly, but with purpose.  You are at your most rational in the morning, if only you had any motivation to follow through with decisions you make that early.  The Zombie is surprisingly effective at finding fellow Zombies and moving in a pack.  You feel validated when around Grumpy Pants.  Your irritability can escalate quickly when associating with Asian Eyes.

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The most important thing to remember is that your early-morning state will not last forever.  Each morning, it is easy to believe that you will be trapped in this personality for the rest of the day.  This is not true.  I am here to tell you that there is life after morning.  Stick it out, and you will rediscover the you that you love so much.

And I hope you do that by noon.