Startled

Today, I was just walking to class, minding my own business, singing a song in my head, when all of a sudden, I was effectively startled by a rather high-impact collision by my friend who had spotted me while on his longboard.  It was completely on purpose, and I didn't get knocked over or anything, but I was so caught off-guard that I just froze for a second, and then, with a gasp, stumbled.  This caused me to trip on his longboard and I almost face-planted it on the cement.

I was pondering how absolutely useless some of us get when we are startled.  What if I had been hit by somebody with more malicious intent?  My freezing silently in place probably would have been a deciding factor in my resultant broken arm or mauled face.  While my friend wouldn't have appreciated it, I would have been in a lot better shape had my first reaction to being hit from behind been a solid roundhouse kick or something.  As I have pondered my plight, I have decided that it would be wise for us to condition ourselves to react in a particular way when confronted with something sudden and potentially dangerous.  The only question is:  What should that reaction be?

Fetal Position?

This would be excellent in the case of hearing a gunshot or seeing a rabid seagull plummet for your face.  Maybe even in the case of being run into by my friend...he would have fallen head-first over the top of me!  However, in the case of hearing a train while strolling down a train track, or feeling a creature rub up against your leg while swimming in the ocean, this reaction doesn't put us in very good shape.  But if you're startled often, you'll probably have some wicked abs.

Jump!

Consider a sudden cracking of the earth, such as we see in all apocalyptic movies, or a midget comes swinging at your with a baseball bat.  An initial urge to jump really comes in handy to avoid bruised shins or a fall to your death!  It sounds great, until you watch someone die because they jumped at the sound of the frozen lake cracking beneath their feet, or because they made a futile attempt to jump when someone cut them off at a busy intersection.  Had I jumped upon impact today, we both would have ended up on the longboard, and that poor girl I was passing would have ended up at the bottom of the heap when we landed in the grass...

Throw Something?

Perhaps if we just knew to throw whatever we were holding in the direction of the danger when it presented itself?  Projectiles can always encourage dangers to stay away as long as that danger has a brain.  However, perhaps that's the reason you're now being attacked by that midget...because you thought he was a gremlin at first glance and threw your baseball bat at him.  This reaction bears promise should you come across a large spider or happen to be holding dynamite.  This is not so effective if you're carrying newly sewn quilts to a service project or if you are in the path of a crashing airplane.  I'm still a big fan of this one, because the likelihood that whatever you're holding is food is probably about 40%...and no matter what has startled you, that's going to be funny.

ROAR!

What if all of us just roared as loud as we could whenever we got scared by something?  It sounds useless, but hear me out.  First of all, let's think back to what we're already doing:  nothing.  So, as long as our new reaction doesn't INCREASE my probability of being injured, then it's better than just freezing!  If I had ROARED at my friend when he ran into me, I wouldn't have been any worse off (in fact, I'd probably be better off because I felt so epic), and my friend would have been just as startled as I was, giving no one the upper hand.  When being attacked by a tiger, there is the slight chance they leave me alone, or that I accidentally say something romantic in cat language, in which case I'd have a new friend!  If a professor is getting too emotionally involved in his lecture and suddenly bangs the desk in front of him, the subsequent blast of 200 roaring students would make sure he chill out and control his temper.

If all of us are roaring when presented with danger, the only danger we risk in acting in this way is that the overly skiddish among us might be caught in an infinite loop of roaring in each other's faces if they bump into each other, but we can carry around tranquilizers for that.

Spread the word.  Tell your friends.  I believe we can turn this world around!  Think about it before you sleep.  Have your friends slap you so you can practice roaring upon impact.  Together, we can make this world just a little safer.

And a lot more ridiculous.