A Hurting Heart

It's amazing what love will do to us.  There are lots of senses of the word...romantic love, best-friend love, familial love, sympathetic love...it's all around us and within us, and we do crazy things because of it.  I currently am seeing a few such things happen around me during this part of my life...some from me, some from friends...and it's got me to thinking:  We all will say that we hate drama, right?  But what does all this drama that comes from seemingly evil people come from?  It comes from love!  It comes from people caring about each other.  Sometimes we react to love wrongly.  It happens.

Below, I have written about such scenarios in which, if you are not the source, drama will always stem from. So, I ask you to read them, and then tell me that you have never been the source of any of these situations:

Keeping Secrets.  You find that you really care for someone, but you're not really sure you're ready for commitment for various reasons.  Because of this, any interaction you have with this person, you don't care to divulge to your close friends for fear of them teasing you about it and making more of it than it is, or than you're ready for it to be.  It's hard after a while, because the more you hang out with this person, the more you care for them, and the more you want to talk about it...but you don't.  Until one of your close friends finds out from someone else.

Instant Repugnance.  You and your best friend are having the time of your lives.  You hang out all the time, and you can tell them absolutely anything.  Then, you find that someone else that your best friend really likes is coming into the picture.  You hardly know them, but for reasons seemingly beyond your control, you already loathe that person.  Or at least the idea of them.  This isn't because you're a naturally spiteful person, but you fear that your best friend, whom you love dearly, is no longer going to be as close to you as they once were, and it scares you.

Telling Lies.  You are really into this person you've met, but your family just doesn't seem to click with this person.  After a couple times of getting uncomfortable looks from siblings and parents after having the person over or just telling the story of that ridiculous adventure you just went on, you decide to stop telling them about it to keep from hurting them.  Rather, any dates with this person become "going to the library to do homework" or "helping a friend who's having a hard time."  When you come back and you're obviously giddy, it's because "you won the bowing match with your friends" or "your favorite actor is in a new movie."  You feel bad, but your family seems happier now.

Blatant Ignorance.  You and this other person are really close.  You love spending time with them and feel like you can trust them, 100%.  And then they go and do something that breaks that trust.  You find out they lied to you, or did something they knew you wouldn't want them to do...and so, in a flash of confused anger, you cut yourself off from them.  When they call or text, you completely ignore it.  It's not because you hate them, as much as you just have a lot of anger inside of you, and you're afraid that whatever you might say will only further damage your relationship.  And so, you continue ignoring them, hoping that some time, some way, these feelings will go away.

Arm's Length.  You are in a relationship with someone for a while, but then, for whatever reason, that relationship comes to a close.  There is an agreement that romantics will end because it's just not time or it can't work.  But you just can't get over your feelings for that person.  With a broken heart and a secret, eternal, underlying wish that it just might work again with the two of you, you tend to distance yourself from everyone else.  You shy away when others take interest in you or even when you take interest in others, because there's always that one in the back of your mind still.  You don't want to be hurt by these other friends, and you surely don't want to hurt them.  And so, you become a distant and untouchable friend, and no one knows why.

Rumors.  Someone you really admire starts following aspirations and opportunities that you are afraid may hurt or corrupt them if pursued.  You share with them your feelings on the matter, but they dismiss it as empty worries and continue on their path.  Worried for their welfare, slightly untrue things (or even true, but shameful things) start slipping out of your mouth, almost without your consent.  This isn't because you are filled with evil and want to destroy their life, but because you hope that if certain doors close, this detrimental path they are taking will end, and they will be spared the hurt and corruption you foresee.

Verbal Abuse.  You truly love someone, in whichever sense, but either you can't tell them, or they don't return the affection, or they are hurting themselves, or something is happening that could jeopardize your relationship.  You are continually filled with angst as this invisible wall comes up that seems to block your love from reaching them.  The emotional pressure builds, and comes out more angrily than anything else.  Your lack of ability to show how much you care causes you to yell at them during your interactions, or say biting, sarcastic things, or put them down, or make sure they know when they've had a stupid idea.  You can't help it.  You love them.  Why can't they see that?

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Not that any of these things are correct or acceptable, but they happen.  They've happened to you.  And so I beg, if someone is causing drama in your life for any reason or in any upsetting way...just loving them might be the best option.  More often than not, they are doing it out of misdirected or threatened love.  Show them how much you care.  Look for the very best of who they are.  Help them to see that.  Help them to feel that they are loved.  The drama will go away.  I promise.  These are just signs of a hurting heart.  

And you can help them.