It is incredible how long one minute can last when your food is in the microwave.
I am always truly amazed when I get to experience those times when the entire universe literally conspires against you to be sure you can't succeed. It's really incredible how it happens. You've probably had it happen to you...where you look back on every misfortune that happened, and it is clear that there's no way they ALL could have happened just now by chance.
That was my day today. Every little thing that could have cropped up to keep me from programming something for my computer science class came up today. But I still pushed through and had about six and a half hours to do the assignment. Five of those hours ended up being used trying to find out how my simple coding software had become corrupted, why my validation code for the computer programming software I was given apparently isn't valid, and why there was no way to reset or reinstall them to get them to work. After finally finding a rudimentary tool that I could use to do my homework in a rather primitive setting, I had almost an hour and a half before the deadline. Needless to say, I didn't get it quite finished, and there are tons of bugs in it. Whatever. I didn't want the grade anyway.
Due to this and some other constraints and misfortunes of the day, I have felt like I was just being constricted into a smaller and smaller box, powerless to escape. When it happens this intensely (and it will for all of us on multiple occasions) it can be really appealing and even seem logical to give up. Well I'm here to testify that thou shalt not give up!
Any of those people that are "too cool" to talk to themselves because they think they'll sound insane (a valid point...it's not often that you see someone talking aloud to themselves and you don't immediately think 'I wonder if something is wrong with that kid...') are missing out on some victorious life experiences! I believe that we are quite literally dual beings, and that we have a clear capacity to argue with ourselves. It seems strange, because though we can think with two points of view, it's always us talking, but the argument is important. It's very natural, at least for me, to take those first thoughts of 'I'm never going to be able to get this done,' or 'there's no way she'll ever go out with me,' or 'my parents probably think I'm not going to amount to anything' as being natural and the truth. It's easy to accept the first thought. It seems most like you if that's what came out first, right?
No, there's a second part of you, that is much more you, but tends to chime in second, if you let it. Defiantly, it will proclaim just the opposite, that you are a pretty popular person and that what you did back there was a really smart decision, with arguments that you will believe, because they will be true. Never miss the opportunity to argue with yourself! Otherwise, that negative side will win so often! I fought with myself a lot today. And even though grade-wise I'm not going to get the best results, I still feel like I came off conqueror. I actually solved most of my problem in the end, just not quite in time. And now I know what to do next time! I'd still be stuck on the idea of failure next time this happens if I hadn't rebutted those first inklings of despair.
I believe that if more people in this world would fight with themselves and converse out loud with their own minds, we'd have a lot more accomplished each day as a society. We suppress our own thoughts too much...and in turn, suppress much of our potential.
Yes, my veins are still pulsing with the adrenaline and other chemicals that come through great frustration and compounding stress, but I have come out really appreciating the opportunities we get to prove ourselves...to ourselves. Don't hesitate. Be extraordinary. It's thrilling, really.
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