Wasted Time

I just finished a computer programming assignment that I've been working on for the past four days.  ...And this is an introduction to C++ programming.  Oh, dear.  There is way more than meets the eye that goes into a simple computer program working.  It took me forever just to get it to read in a list of a couple names and then put it in alphabetical order and be able to find one of those names if I searched for it.  It was ridiculous.  The time consumption of some homework assignments is overwhelming.

Actually, there are quite a lot of things that, as you really get involved in them, really take great time commitments.  Whether it's a job or a social club or a major in college or a musical production or a refined hobby, it really takes time once you delve into those things.  ...This raises the question in my head:  Is it worth it?

I am one of the worst when it comes to filling up all the time in one's life with activities and commitments.  I have almost every hour of each day of the week mapped out for me at its beginning.  In essence, those things taking up all my time are my life.  They are me!  They're who I am!  So what if I don't really like them?

I think the purpose of this life is to really make something of ourselves so we can help others to do the same. But a man can study his life away about all the philosophies of man and scientific findings and become a brilliant mathematician, building new equations and solving seemingly incurable epidemics...but if he doesn't enjoy it...if somewhere way back when before his life became overruled by academic expectations, his great desire had been to sail the ocean in search for new marine life, and he didn't do it because of money constraints or social pressures or demotivation...perhaps in the end his life has been wasted.

The society we live in today wants to put everyone into perfect concrete boxes of identity that they are given when they are quite young, and then grow to fill that box they were prescribed for their lifetime.  This is not how it should be.  We each grow up with dreams and wants and insights and visions of great things that could be, and then we douse them and throw them aside once it's time to find a way to make a living.  Or, worse yet, in order to achieve that great vision they have, some people find themselves taking second-rate jobs doing things they've never liked doing, and continue taking those jobs over and over in search for the money.  They keep searching and searching and earning and earning, and never end up attaining their dream, rather just chasing money in alleys the ought never have been in.

WHO ARE YOU??  I ask this question a lot, but my heart just yearns to truly know who you are.  We hide it.  We mask it.  We only let little bits of ourselves out.  We inhibit ourselves.  We exhibit "self control" which is really just self dilution.  Our spirits are so potent with thought and with power!  The few who actually tap into that full oncoming flow of who they are and what they can be are considered geniuses in the modern world.  It's not that they had a brain superior to yours...it's that they didn't ignore themselves.  The more you suppress who you are or put it off for another time, the more and more ordinary you will become.

What are you doing with your life?  What takes up most of your time?  Do you enjoy it?  What fascinates you more than anything else in this world?  Are you actively pursuing more experiences with that, or are you simply watching television shows about it?  Where do you work?  Why do you work there?  Where is that going to take you?  What do you study?  Why?  Is it what you always imagined you'd studied?  If we're not careful, it can be easy to go a long time without stopping and asking yourself why your current time consumption is in dissonance with who you are.  What takes your time is who you are, like it or not, it's how it is.  You are your time.  What is your time up to this week?

I believe life is to be lived!!  To be explored!  Don't go doing things people have always done for which we all already know the end results.  How perfectly boring.  I am meant to discover things, to change things, to invent things, to write things, to sing things, to jump and laugh and sail and fly and roll and swing and ponder and cry and hug and greet and command and obey and swim and fall and climb...I am meant to do something truly great.

I believe, if you pay attention to that burning little feeling deep in the heart of your own soul, you will find that you are meant for something truly great, too.