There's got to be some flaw in the system of law we abide by when just the fact that a policeman is behind you has you checking your mirror in paranoia the entire time you drive even when you are not doing anything illegal. What kind of people are they, that they should instill such fear in us?? It's not fair...it's exhausting, really.
At the end of the day, I am finally feeling a little better than I was yesterday/this morning. I may have passed this insidious disease on to Marissa (no, we haven't been kissing, as much as she'd like that), which I feel badly about. I'm not sure what exactly must be what's wrong with me, because my symptoms change emphasis every couple hours. It's an ear infection! No, strep throat! No, a bad cold! Actually, the flu! False alarm, it's mono. Oh, it looks like it may be a severe allergy attack, is all.
Whatever.
I went to work again today...it's nice to have a job that you can still do even when you are ready to perish. I probably have one of the easiest jobs on the planet. I'm a Regional Campuses and Distance Education Facilitator for Utah State University...a fancy way of saying I attend an hour and a half long class in order to turn on a television and a projector, and then sit there and turn on the student microphones whenever someone has a question. That's about it. It's incredible, really. Because of it, I'm getting a refresher on Calculus, I'm learning about core landscaping techniques, the wildlife on the Galapagos Islands, the history of folklore throughout the world, and I'm getting an anthropological look at religion and why it exists. It's fascinating! And even when it's not, I just do homework! But I always sound really important when I tell people where I work, and I get a fancy name badge and everything. I've never had to do so little while looking so smart!
Since I've had the opportunity to sit and stare at classes for hours on end, I've been very entertained by the different kinds of students there are:
Susan Studymuch: Looks like she's going to pass out throughout the entire class period, as she frantically writes down every word on the screen and every word spoken by the teacher. One wonders if she actually has time to read everything she wrote afterward (or if it's even possible to end up with legible notes after writing at such a furious pace). She never answers or asks questions...she doesn't have time. I'm thinking about bringing a little spray bottle just in case her pencil catches fire.
Calvin Cool: Always in the back. Wears monochrome clothing and never looks the teacher in the eye. Rather, he puts his feet up on the table with this look on his face that says "go ahead, I DARE you to ask me to participate." ...Not that he doesn't participate...just, when he does, it's usually just loud enough for the class to hear and start chuckling about as the teacher become increasingly annoyed. Calvin can sometimes be caught checking his teeth in the mirror (one of the few things he seems embarrassed about if caught in the act).
Allie Airhead: Not much is known about how Allie has survived living in a college environment. Is most often seen chewing a great wad of bubble gum, which, when blown into a bubble, never seems to touch her vivid lipstick. Twirling her voluminous hair with her left hand while endlessly staring at the nails on her right hand, she listens to the faint voice of the teacher in the background. When words like "boys" or "pink" or "shoes" come up in the lecture, her eyelashes cause a slight gust to move across the room as she perks up, ready to give her two cents about what she knows on the subject.
Samuel Snoozer: A personal favorite to watch. Samuel plays a game that has rather straightforward rules: (1) Stay up all night so you will be as tired as possible during class. (2) Get out pen and paper so as to look like you are participating. (3) NEVER let your head touch anything. (4) If you accidentally twitch, just look like you had a good idea and write something unintelligible down. (5) Don't actually fall asleep, but it's okay to close your eyes and start thinking about unicorns. (6) Rub some kind of muscle weakening agent on your neck before class. (7) Good luck.
Tanya Talksalot: Should bring some kind of small stand to put on the desk that can hold up her arm indefinitely. Always has something to say, sometimes relevant, and sometimes wildly off-topic. She is convinced that she and the teacher have developed a close relationship, and begins to speak on a whim as if some rite of passage has been received through imaginary bonding time. She soon begins addressing her comments to the class as if she is now teaching jointly with the teacher. For some reason, the teacher doesn't do anything about it.
Gus Gamehead: Has his head buried in his iPod/laptop/GameBoy during the entier class period. He intermittently has to hurry and make some kind of comment when the whole class turns to look at him after he accidentally shouts in either victory or defeat due to a turn of events on his screen. Surprisingly, he get some of the best grades in the class.
Sally Smitten: Oogles at the teacher, in her head not realizing that the fact that she is on the front row and doesn't have any materials on her desk makes her actions extremely conspicuous. She daydreams of the teacher ripping off his shirt or showing them videos of him wrestling wild animals or asking her to come up to the front as a volunteer. Studies show that paper projectiles don't seem to phase her.
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Well, that's my job for you. I enjoy it immensely. I need to start some kind of study or something...there are few habitats as fascinating as a college classroom.
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