Someone Searching

I am often referred to as a "walking dictionary," so I frequently have the definitions of various words swimming through my head.  Really, there is significant effect on how we perceive the world that comes from what we understand the definitions of basic words to be.

So, I have had one word in particular surfacing with a little question mark throughout the week...one that I think it necessary to find a more solid definition for--or at least a poetic one.

Over the course of this week I have been busier than, perhaps, I have been any other time in my life (which is encouraging, seeing as it is the blueprint for this whole semester of school I'm jumping into).  With scarcely a time to text friends, let alone see them, I have spent most of my hours alone.

Loneliness.  What is it?  Why does it come?  How does it affect us?  Who feels it and when?  What is its purpose?  How should we react?  I can't profess I'm going to answer these question; rather, I sit down now to think about them aloud with you...maybe I'll get some inspiration.

I looked up "loneliness" in the dictionary.  These are the 5 results I discovered:

lone-ly [lohn-lee] adjective, lone-li-er, lone-li-est.

1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.

Well, obviously.  You'd think that dictionary writers would have at least learned by now that if they are going to insist on putting in a definition of a word that contains the very word they are defining, they could at least put it last.

2. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.

While this seems to be the most straightforward answer, I won't believe it.  I know for a fact that you don't have to be without company to feel lonely.  This definition may be (though I am not sure) where feelings of loneliness begin.  All week I have been companionless, without company.  It wears on you.  Working, learning, studying, creating, eating, traveling, shopping...when all these things are done alone for long amounts of time, it can be easy to begin questioning your worth.  Your feelings of significance in the world can begin to diminish.  You start to wonder if you're really making a difference.  As this begins to snowball, then even in the presence of friends and family, there is still this burning void within you, that doesn't seem to go away, that just makes it all seem like a dream.

3. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak.

True, I suppose, but not too frequently.  When with a friend, I actually think that situations like this are the times that you feel least lonely.  Have you ever been stranded somewhere or put in danger or hiked afar off with just one or two other people?  It is a truly rewarding experience.  If you really want to feel a kinship with those you love, figure out how to hike a mountain together or take the wrong bus to a different state or get trapped in an elevator for a couple hours.  And, on the other hand, when alone in these situations, I believe, are some of the very best times to slow down for a moment and get to know your Father in Heaven a little better.  Some other favorite experiences of mine are in those quiet moments where I had wandered off  to a tall tree in the forest or a hidden shore of an ocean and just soaked in my surroundings.  It's hard to feel lonely when you take the time to realize you are physically integrated with everything around you.  Is loneliness, then, an effect of not being exposed to nature?

4. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, support, etc.

This seems to be the deeper version of definition #2.  But how many of you can remember a time (perhaps it is now) that you just felt worthless, without hope, misunderstood, unloved, or abandoned...and then you were so blessed to have a dear friend come up beside you and put their arms around you and tell you that it would all be okay and that they were there for you through thick or thin...but somehow, the loneliness just didn't go away?  That's what happened to me today.  So sympathetic companionship still doesn't seem to be quite the antithesis of loneliness...

5. standing apart; isolated.

Ah.  See?  Why do they put the best ones last?  When I read this it pierced me to the heart, and I knew that this was the major cause (not complete, but a significant portion) of my loneliness.  Standing apart.  This is the only definition, it seems, that implies that an action has been performed that has resulted in loneliness.  All the other definitions implied changing circumstances the person is subjected to that caused loneliness in them.  And this is always the first thought.  We believe that because our little island of day-to-day experiences has drifted away from everyone else's or because someone broke up with us or others have gotten too busy, that we have unavoidably been afflicted with the despair of loneliness.

But isn't it really that we have chosen to stand apart from the others around us?  Isn't it that we insist in our minds that no one will understand us, so we don't talk about our feelings with those we love?  Or maybe that we've made ourselves so busy, we don't have time to be a blessing in someone else's life to show them we care.  Perhaps we have felt the need to place ourselves in a lower or higher position than our peers due to talents or looks or abilities or opportunities.  Or have we decided that we don't need anyone else's help on this huge project we're working on?  The more I have delved deep into my soul (and believe me, this can be a painful thing), the more I have been able to see that any feelings of loneliness I have can be found rooted in actions that I have taken--knowingly or unknowingly--to stand apart.

If you ever have, or currently do, or soon will feel these feelings of loneliness that poison the best of us, let me make a suggestion:  turn outward.  Trust me, it is the greatest blessing to be able to love a friend.  Just being loved is not enough.  It never has been.  I love the lyric to the popular choir number, "Find...me...somebody to LOOooove!"  That's what you are in search for when you feel lonely.  You are in search for someone to love.  :)  So find someone.  You'll be amazed at the new and vivid color that your life will take on.  As you search longer and longer for things that you have the ability to do to bless others' lives, you will discover more about yourself than you ever would have found before.

lone-ly [lohn-lee] adjective, lone-li-er, lone-li-est.

1. looking inward.